all the single ladies

shana brought home a flier from work printed by the seattle cancer care alliance with information on how to cope with the (and this is the official medical term) holiday blues.

Did You Know? You might be at risk for the Holiday Blues if you are...single, coping with a chronic or recently diagnosed disease, have a history of loss...

whoa whoa whoa...single? that is the biggest risk factor for the holiday blues? even before being diagnosed with a disease? luckily, they continue with helpful hints on how to cope and "manage your expectations":

-prioritize and minimize
-acknowledge the way you feel
-communicate your needs
-focus on what gives you peace vs. obligation (does this mean i don't have to call mom and dad on christmas?)
-realize there is no magic formula
-reflect on what really matters
-create new traditions (like drinking mimosas by yourself and listening to the mariah carey holiday pandora station)

so, that being said, i think i've done best at creating new traditions and am having the hardest time with realizing there is no magic formula. because it seems like if i weren't single, i wouldn't even get the holiday blues. and since "being in an unhealthy or stressful relationship" and "working retail on christmas eve" aren't on the risk factor list, just finding any old companion seems like a pretty magical formula to me.

...well, i gotta go watch bridget jones and eat ice cream straight out of the carton and drink wine straight out of the bottle. k bye.

diagnosis

the other night my heart started twitching. or palpitating? i'm not really sure. it was like a surge of blood through my heart every once in a while, like those electric power surges where all the lights get bright all the sudden. webmd symptom checker says it could be excessive caffeine use, cocaine abuse, a vitamin b12 deficiency, pseudohypoparathyroidism, or an acute stress reaction. or 15 other things.

anyway, it stopped. then my eye started twitching. do you know what causes that? stress. fatigue. nervous system disorders.

it got really cold here. there was frost on everything yesterday. and a strange fog. i took the bus, which slid all over the road. we were going under the aurora bridge and the bus driver said, "if you look to your left, you see a bridge going nowhere." it just disappeared into the fog. everyone looked to their left and made grunting noises. "hmm. eh. isn't that something."

my feet hurt like hell. webmd symptom checker says that possible causes are: dancing in heels for five hours straight last night.

a personal record, and something i won't ever do again.

check out these musical stairs

since yesterday, i've been on edge. dressed up with nowhere to go. waiting by the phone. actually.

i've been trying to stay normal and maintain a routine, but everything i do seems to be an outlet for my nervous energy. and my "fuck you!" energy.

yesterday at the eye doctor they asked me if i drank or smoked. i lied. why do they need to know? i lost my wallet on the way there and smoked a cigarette on the way back. in the rain. my eye doctor will never understand my tragic, poetic cigarette in the rain.

then we were talking about how cookie monster eats vegetables now because sesame street doesn't want to contribute to child obesity. but! gah! it's not, i mean, er...i need a cookie for that. to honor cookie monster. the monster formerly known as cookie monster.

and i'm frustrated about work. i'm frustrated at how much i give and i'm frustrated to be left hanging and i'm frustrated about how much weight every life choice carries right now and i'm mad that i had to give a tour to a group of 25 drunk women on saturday who made jokes about child labor and talked to each other the entire time. so rude. you'd think i'd need some whiskey for that one, but instead i spied a big reese's cup on the coffee table and ate that shitty wax slave chocolate for the first time in almost two years. mmmm....

today my nerves were at their nerviest nerve peak. i went in for my first birth, met a single mom in early labor, and left the hospital. and left my phone number with the nurse, so she could call me when things got interesting. i looked at my phone every two seconds and went to study and cram when i should have just rested. and the best way i prepared was by eating a giant hamburger because it seemed like the thing i needed most.

and i've been sitting right here ever since. checking phone...cramming...writing a comprehensive document of everything i've ever learned...checking phone...watching tk fight with a packet of saltine crackers...checking phone...good god!

i'm calling the charge nurse....

...

"oh, her? she went home," says charge nurse. oh. well. either she popped it out immediately after or i left or, more than likely, she wasn't progressing and they sent her home until her contractions were productive. either way, i'm sure she's a lot more on edge than me.

too bad...i would've liked to have been at the birth of a little scorpio girl born during the peak of the leonid meteor shower.

it's a lot less "choose my own adventure" and a lot more "other people choose my own adventure." or maybe it's "i'm just part of someone else's adventure to begin with."

but that just seems less appealing.

when you give your guests a typewriter

frat haus guest book!!!!
agshark attackkk!

tk represejt'
oliver, breplb reluctantly

werd, werds, werds, but not a thing to say. winter was waving wistful when "WHAM" went the water with what willpower water will wantonly whittle.

the sound of the electric typewriter is one that has escaped from our land. it lives on in the phillipines and in this house.

don you you can. you p ayin with your life; this ain't no truth or dare. show em what's funky, show em whats right; it doesn't matter what's wrong or right just beat it. as in, take two eggs, half a cup of heavy cream, a pinch of salt, blend in a bowl, saute on low for 7 minutes until fluffy and golden serve with fresh fruit and toast, as part of a healthy breakfast.

this is not the easiest thing to type. of the night.

what is that thing? what is that thing? where is that thing? that music can not be described. where is that desrcription?
desicration
the nation
that facial motion

can "i take my glasses back?" whatever when the thing that's happening is just as interesting as the person is typing. the thing that is being typed is more than is being interpreted. whatever is is is is is is is is is is is is what bannter. what why wherefore?

the night was drawing to a close. the ladies of the worried that everything would not work outalright hoever, le xxxx xxxxxx was at the party, and he promised to make sure everythin would work out alright. therefore, the ladies decided that if he romised and kept his rpomis he would be responidsble for everything bad that happpppppendred thatnight.....
would he?
yeah.
oh wait
oh shit

i'm.
coming
OUt.
I'm coing
I'm
coming out.
I'm coing
I'm
yeah yeah yeah...

so yo better get the party started
screw in the lightbulb and wash the table
dance
dance
dancedance
ya
whoa

once upton a midnight fdreary the insects started to bight. the right stuff was wrong, and the people took to long. short stuff took the stage. the page was too white, and the night the night, su k in w like a heavy blankert.

badass

and then on the way out of the theater, i saw kimya dawson!

step into the light

things that have happened fairly recently:

-idil laughed at me for having the washington litter report number programmed in my phone. i didn't do this because i intend to rat someone out...i was just curious about how it worked. i thought you called in when you saw someone throw a hamburger wrapper on the ground to describe their clothing and whereabouts, and i wondered how that would do any good at all...apparently i'm thinking too much like a pedestrian. this number is for drivers to call when they see other drivers litter:

Citizens who witness littering acts can call the hotline and report basic information such as date, time, location, objects thrown, the license plate of the vehicle, and a description of the vehicle.

well then. i will delete that number.

-my bus got pulled over while i was riding it. there was only me, the driver, and some yuppie business man with a briefcase and a hunger for drama. the bus was maneuvering around this big truck blocking the bus zone on a narrow one way street and was ticketed by a grumpy old cop with sunglasses on a cloudy day and a white handlebar mustache for "not looking before he pulled away from the bus zone." they were talking outside the bus and the whole time dramatic business man was trying to open the window to listen to their conversation and looking at me with wide eyes saying, "whoaaaa. whooaaaaaa, can you BELIEVE this? whoaaaa." he never got the window open. but we sat on the bus for 15 minutes while the city wrote a ticket for the city. the driver asked for our contact information as eyewitnesses in case he contests the ticket. traffic court may be in my future.

-the kitten continues to piss in the same place over and over again. even after i threw out all the furniture and blankets he had sprayed before, hauled a futon across town, and doused everything with vinegar, baking soda, and febreze. i'm not that surprised...but i had hoped things would be different this time. well, his ballz are getting chopped off tomorrow so hmmph. they also have fleas. before we attempt the bath, we're using a flea comb which has been a gross, fascinating hobby for me for the past two days. it's disgustingly satisfying. if you've ever used one, you'll know what i mean.

-amy is back in town for a hot second...we've been lazing around the house, biking for cupcakes, and making earrings shaped like vaginas. :)

-i have been surprised to find out that more than two people read my blog. huh. do you read my blog?

meals this week.

this woman on my tour gave me a whole bag of kettle corn saturday, which i ate in lieu of lunch and dinner.

then last night someone who works at georgetown brewing company brought us four gallons of beer at work, which, again, i drank for my dinner (not all four gallons).

i found out my boss used to date an actor from one of my favorite south african soapies, isidingo. and also that we are going to try to get dave matthews to do a benefit concert. i mean, he lives in the neighborhood and all. my boss's son's friend is friends with his kids. we got jane goodall, for godsake!

after sitting in front of the fire drinking more free dinner beer, ellie and i went to the blue moon. i haven't been there probably since whatever the last major holiday was. but it never changes. last night there were two men in matching red zoot suits and fedoras and this dog that was chasing it's tail and chasing it's tail and chasing it's tail and the band played stop hey what's that sound and the whole crowd was singing along and it was the woman bartender working, so she gave us a discount on our drinks just because we are women and we weren't those obnoxious men sitting at the bar. and then a man came up to our table and sold us a $6 cheese pizza and this pizzajerk named shane came up and asked where we got it and when we told him, he didn't believe us. i offered him my last piece of crust as evidence and he opened his mouth. i guess he wanted me to feed it to him. i said, "i'm not going to feed you. you have to take it yourself." and he said, "nah, that's okay." and just high-fived us about three times each.

tk is starting to piss on things more. everyone tries to be mad at him but he's so fucking cute, it never really works. now everything he peed on is in the washing machine and it's making that thu-thunk-thu-thunk sound like it's going to explode.

i actually dreamed that i was in south africa two nights ago. it was so amazing to be there. since then, south africa keeps popping up in conversation. also in the dream my dad had this asymmetrical emo hipster haircut. it looked so weird.

crunchy leaves make fall autumn

well, now my hair is bright red. i didn't quite plan on it. we dyed it blonde first, so the brown part of the auburn that i was supposed to provide didn't happen.

everyone says they love it. really, everyone. even the save the children canvassers in front of pcc. i guess you have to say things like that when someone's hair is bright red. but not so enthusiastically, you know? when you "oh my god love it! love! it!" sooo much, that's when i get skeptical.

i mean, i don't love it that much. i love it kind of like i love my romper and my tutu and my velvet shrug and my gold lamé pants and the way i dance: in a sincere, but ridiculous sort of way...in a costumey sort of way (but different than a costume. more real).

i've always been bad at taking compliments. but especially when i think they are unnecessary and/or false. i'm just a skeptic.

other than my hair, not much has changed. shana and i picked the cutest lil' pumpkin on bainbridge today. i want to fill it with beer, then i want to make it into pie.

i had my work review. but we're in a pay freeze so that doesn't mean much except for an hour's worth of awkwardly listening to compliments.

ying visited and my soul feels better than it did. we danced, ate lots of foods, and played boggle in the park. she kicked my ass at boggle, which i probably deserved for making her ride all over the g.d. city on my clunky 'ol schwinn.

i recently learned that up to 21% of women who have natural labors might be orgasming during birth.

i took tk to the vet. while i was waiting i listened to the receptionist call patient after patient saying, "hi, this is cathy. just wanted to remind you of cosmo's teeth cleaning tomorrow" and "looking forward to seeing schnuggums for her annual feces screening and toenail trimming next week..." things that make me not want to go to the vet anymore.



....does anyone else get scared that they're becoming a boring grown-up?

here we go again

i should have known that mercury was in retrograde again. all signs pointed to yes, so i looked it up, and it is. so there you have it; it can't just be in my brain, the chaos can't just be from my anticipation and looking extra hard for things going wrong.

i finally investigated it after our computer system at work crashed twice, my coworker told her she felt like everyone was annoyed at her and just couldn't communicate clearly, our bags are on backorder, and we had to redo 428 wine kits because of a misprint in the literature. yup, til september 29.

i've been acting strangely, too. doing things i've never done. i got my hair cut on sunday (not that you can tell). at a real place. when i went running yesterday i put one sock and one shoe on, and then the other sock and the other shoe.

mercury in retrograde and the cocorosie show i went to last week. that's why everything is weird.

goodall strudel

i met jane goodall yesterday! and by "met," i mean she came into the theo tour hopper yesterday morning, the room in which i lecture 25 bourgie entitled customers daily on why they should care about fair trade. about ten of us were lined up like the von trapp family, wearing matching t-shirts, drinking coffee from matching mugs, dumb grins on our faces. it was so surreal. it was supposed to be our time to ask her questions and "chat" with her about her life. i had nothing to say. what the hell would i say to jane goodall?? "excuse me, dr. goodall. how does it feel to be such a badass, important, amazing person?" part of me wanted to tell her i dressed up as her for halloween last year. the better part of me talked that part of me out of it. so i just stood there and grinned stupidly.

then i was allowed to help serve her private 12-person brunch. eeeeeee!!!* she had to go upstairs and rest before brunch was over, so they took her chocolate strudel up to her resting room. today i went upstairs to fill up water and it's still sitting there, half eaten. jane goodall germs on a half-eaten day-old strudel! who wants it? who wants it?

*in chimp language, that means "holy shit, becca! sometimes you have an awesome life!!!"

108

i'm getting ready to shed an old layer and expose a new one. neither of those layers are quite ready yet, but the anticipation of transition leaves me feeling the same way i do every time before i move. i'm sad to leave an era behind, but always excited enough to have my belongings packed in boxes weeks before the move, with one foot out the door before i'm finished. my relationships become either more intense or more distant.

and it's all starting to happen now.

last night i was eating foraged huckleberry coconut ice cream over glazed white peaches with liz. and i suddenly remembered that i believe you have to know where you came from before you can understand where you're going. and where you are, presently, for that matter. i don't mean to sound cliche or woowoo. i know i do. i know it sounds like kitschy inspirational blah blah blah, and normally i would have a healthily cynical reaction towards it, but this was one of those moments when you're eating ice cream and it just resonates and it's true.

i remembered (and i'm always a little surprised at this) how i'm not so different now from who i've ever been. different skins, same becca-spirit.

i think this was all instigated by a conversation with my mother about my birth. i mean, holy geez, i know i'm a cancer sun, leo ascending, sagittarius moon, but i don't even know what it was like when i entered the universe under those stars.

totally natural birth, short labor, pushed out in a semi-sitting position, immediate skin-to-skin contact. i popped out about six hours after contractions first started on a sunday morning when we all should have been at church. i was the messiest of her three births. they had cleaned my older sister off a bit and wrapped her in a blanket before my mom held her, so when they plopped me straight onto her belly she just thought, "whoa, this feels weird."

during her most intense contractions, the only thing she could focus on was this tiny tear in one of the curtains. that was all she could look at.

antsy

lots of minimal, low-quality writing lately, i know. it's not that nothing's going on. there's so much going on.

despite the fact that my period came almost a full week after the new moon (i even drank a shit ton of parsley tea because it's supposed to induce...no luck), the experience was mostly redeemed by my first use of my diva cup. i've known about them forever, but this is the first period i've used it and it might have changed my menstruating life. no leaking, fewer dollars overall, can't feel it, good for the earth, and it's actually pretty fascinating to dump that 'lil cup in the toilet. someday perhaps i'll make sweet art with mine. anyway, if you're a woman who bleeds and you're not a believer already, strongly recommend it (i've heard it's best to go with diva over keeper because you might develop a latex allergy with the latter...).

wow. is that really the first thing i have to say about my life? guess it is.

i just spent hellamoney on thousands of books about midwifery, childbirth, and breastfeeding. when i got home after being away for the weekend, there were five on my porch and i ripped them open like it was christmas. i can't wait to lock myself in my room and read them for hours. i'm particularly excited about the ones by ina may gaskin because i have a hunch i'm going to fall in love with her.


i have my first "interview" with a couple due in late october! the mother-to-be works with shana and they can't afford a doula and i'm free right now, so we'll see...i'm meeting them for coffee next week and i'm ridiculously nervous/excited. even if it doesn't turn out to be a good match, at least it'll break the ice and get things moving for me. i'm also interviewing to volunteer for UW's on-call doula program, which will be a perfect introduction for me.

i need a haircut.

i'm meeting jane goodall on saturday.

maybe i'm speaking too soon, but...i think we're going to keep The Kitten. i have a feeling. we had him scanned for a microchip and registered him on the seattle shelter's found animals list. no word so far. they said he looks about three months old. now must convince housemates this is a good idea.

i rearranged my shoebox of a room. i'm always pleased with how creative i can be with a tiny space.

back to reading, daydreaming...

comment box

i gave a tour to 15-year-olds. great.

comments in the box from the girls:

"our tour guide becca was awesome. she should get a raise. she's so nice."

comments from the boys:

"your employees need to shave their legs" and "it's nice to see that your tour guides keep all their leg hair intact" and "bang! give me all your money!"

not that i'm surprised. not that i care what those little assholes think. i mean, except for the ones that think i should get a raise...

this is a time in my life in which reassurance keeps coming from unexpected places and people who aren't part of my everyday routine. it's refreshing. it also makes me think i should change my everyday routine.

perhaps finding the kitten stranded in the brambles along I-5 is the beginning of this.



will not get emotionally attached...will not get emotionally attached...will not...

mamaz

can't stop thinking about them.

i'm really ready to drop everything and hold women's hands while they scream.

the current state of birth in the u.s.:



and this is so beautiful...of course it's normal for women to scream or swear or yodel or cope however they need and that is powerful, too. some cultures/religions require the mother to remain quiet and still during labor, which is shitty. but i don't sense that's what's happening here:

throw it in a bag of rice

i was about to write this in rhyme, but it got too hard. so. the boring facts, straight up.

after a ridiculously long week, my weekend has become the weekend i always fantasize about, wherein i sit around on my ass, splurge on massages, walk around naked at a spa i have all to myself, sleep in, yoga occasionally, write letters to my friends, and take phat naps.

it feels so wonderful to have two days that are mine, mine, mine.

especially after a week like that. oof. i fucked up a lot, i think. i counted the cash wrong and paid a bill late and hurt someone's feelings (well, only one that i know about) and the neighbors left us a mean, passive aggressive note. and probably i fucked up in other ways i don't even know about yet.

additionally, i miss a lot of people. that's normal i guess, but i've been getting these strong, physical pangs that start in my chest and stab into my gut.

and i dropped my phone in the rain. overnight in a bag of rice seemed to make it okay though. i wish everything could be fixed so easily.

sunrise over I-5 (as seen through mason jars of melted ice water)

melted

i hope my sweat doesn't drip into my computer keyboard and make it explode.

i sweat significantly more than everyone else. really, i do.

oliver desperately wants to get out of this oven of a house. so do i. i want to be cool. i want to be able to sleep again.

i'm miserable. miiisserablleeeee!!!!

i need a fan. i want to put a bowl of ice cubes in front of said fan.

i think seattle is really out of fans. dumb fucking seattle and its mild fucking weather.

grrrrshmmmmrrggggeeeeeeeee.....blrg.

two degrees from kevin bacon

have you ever tried to be grumpy while wearing a tutu?

i would have said it was impossible before last night. now i know it can be done. and it can be done well.

here's how:


step one- have a bad week. work lots of hours, don't sleep much, and let yourself get nice and irritable.

step two- choose an activity to look forward to and muster up whatever energy you have to get excited about it. (example: a ferry carnival, full of joy and positive energy.)

step three- on your way to said activity, leave the house in plenty of time, get stuck in bumper to bumper friday rush hour traffic for forty minutes, stop at every red light, curse the cars around you for existing, think about how you should have taken the bus, pay $11 for parking, sprint to the ferry terminal with all your hula hoops and musical instruments, and arrive just as the ferry woman is closing the gate and the boat is floating away with your carnival on it.

step four (optional)- channel any ounce of cancer you have in your zodiac chart that traps you in your mood so that when people try to cheer you up, it will just make you feel worse.

and that, folks, is how to be grumpy in a tutu.

i iz surfin the netz

yesterday i rediscovered how romantic and dramatic and fun writing a letter on a typewriter is. only the cartridge ran out of ink half way through my letter...so i spent $27 on two new cartridges...money that should have been put toward credit card payments or savings or something responsible and adultish. alas.

other than frivolous purchases of ink cartridges and paintings and ice cream, i have been, overall, a very balanced and healthy human being the past few days; cleaning my room, going to yoga, taking walks, writing letters, eating salad...i remembered how important it is to make myself spend time alone (and away from the computer). on the outside i think i exude melancholy, but inside i feel quite zen and peaceful. i'm trying really hard not to launch into on of my unsustainable saint sprees this time, and just relax and ease into good habits and general acceptance of where life brings me. we'll see...

meanwhile i've been reading about reproductive rights and education, doulas, and midwifery and trying not to get carried away fantasizing about the future.

oh, did anyone watch the new target women (see last post)? it turns out that the woman who wrote the rating system book is my sister's co-worker! ah, world, you are so tiny.

also, jodi sent me this link from racialicious. it helps to know a bit about south minneapolis if you don't, but chicago-lake is my old neighborhood, known for lots of diversity, lots of crime, and, recently, lots of gentrification. so these ads are...well, blatantly racist. anyway, that was my liquor store. sigh.

new episode!

cheese to sickbay!

did you know there is a tangletown in minneapolis and a tangletown in seattle? according to the powers that be of wikipedia, those are the only two locations. how 'bout that?

housemates are leaving town and coming home, the living room is still a blanket fort, and my bike crash wound is healing into a nice little scar. i'm relearning how to spend quality time alone and trying not to take every damn thing personally.

i registered for the doula training course next month! it feels exciting and meaningful, two things i haven't felt much lately.

irritating customer of the day: this man who comes in periodically to buy confections for his superhero-maybe-fictional wife. here's what i know about her: she's german, she was the first ultrasound technician person in washington, she rock climbs, she's in her late 60s, she beat all the canadians in a big swimming race, she's retired, but gets paid $65 an hour when she decides to go to work, has a huge pension, and also huge boobs (but she had a reduction because she felt self-concious about them). and i'm a captive audience stuck behind the counter, forced to listen to him talk about how much money they have and his wife's breasts. "i married her because she was beautiful," he says, "but it turns out she had brains, too!" well, how lucky.

i also gave a tour to veterans and their families. one man said, "i'm curious about what the gender breakdown is of the company. i bet it's all women. because women loooovvveee chocolate. more than men." he laughed at his own stupid comment. you could tell he'd been rehearsing it in his brain. i took great pleasure in responding that originally in aztec culture, women weren't allowed to eat chocolate, as it was considered spiritually enlightening and strength-building, thus there is no inherent connection between women and chocolate. the veteran wives really liked it when i said that.



ah, molesty chocolate wind.

have you ever tried to make a list of your top 5 pleasurable experiences? it's not an easy task.

sit here for the present

remember my free will astrology horoscope from last month about watching the big pile of shit burn? i've been following my horoscope since. i know nobody cares, but i do:

june 18

We ask that you not divulge the climax of the epic story to anyone -- at least until you've let it sink in for a while and felt all the reverberations it has unleashed. After that, you'll be wise to speak about it only with skilled listeners and empathetic allies who can help you harvest the meaning of all the clues that were packed inside your adventures. One further counsel: Before you reach the absolute, final denouement of the drama, there may be a tricky turn that looks a lot like the ending.

june 25

"His heart was growing full of broken wings and artificial flowers," wrote poet Federico Garcia Lorca. "In his mouth, just one small word was left." There were times during the first half of June when I was tempted to borrow those words to describe you, Cancerian. Now, thankfully, you're moving into a much brighter phase. The buds that are about to bloom in your heart are very much alive, not artificial, and your wings, while not fully restored to strength, are healing. Meanwhile, your mouth is even now being replenished with a fresh supply of many vivid words.

july 2

The ancient Chinese sage Lao Tse said, "People of the highest caliber, upon hearing about Taoism, follow it and practice it immediately. People of average caliber, hearing about Taoism, reflect for a while and then experiment. People of the lowest caliber, hearing about Taoism, let out a big laugh." Now substitute the words "your splashy new ideas" for "Taoism" in Lao Tse's quote and you'll have your horoscope for this week, Cancerian. For added punch, remember what he said in another context: "No idea can be considered valuable until a thousand people have laughed at it."

july 9


I believe that when you chatter carelessly about a big change that's in the works, you're in danger of draining it of some of its potency. So I don't want to trumpet or gossip about the gift that's on its way to you. I'll just mention that it's coming, and urge you to prepare a clean, well-lit place for it to land. Here's a hint: It could, among other things, help you convert one of your vulnerabilities into a strength or inspire you to start transforming an area of ignorance into a future source of brilliance.


july 16

I invite you to write down brief descriptions of the five most pleasurable moments you've ever experienced in your life. Let your imagination dwell lovingly on these memories for, say, 20 minutes. And keep them close to the surface of your awareness in the week ahead. If you ever catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, interrupt it immediately and compel yourself to fantasize about those Big Five Ecstatic Moments. This exercise will be an excellent way to prime yourself for a New Age of Unhurried Bliss and Gentle Beauty, which I predict is just ahead for you. If you can keep the morose part of your mind quiet, there's a good chance you will stir up a new ecstatic experience that will belong near the top of your all-time list.

okay. i'm ready for a some big fantastic thing to happen! i've burned my old shit, i've cleared the way, been introspective, thought of brilliant "splashy" ideas, and am now open to receive a big. fucking. present.

i pulled something in my back.

today when i got to work, my period started with a gush. i was not prepared. paper towel waddage for the rest of the day.

but i finally had a good tour; these two 11-year-old girls hugged and thanked me. i nearly cried. what?

all signs point to cream cheese hotdog

this week. a play-by-play:

monday: yet again, my father has nearly ruined something wonderful for me: science fiction. i grew up with a dad who had an embarrassingly impressive star trek collection, including a bible written in the klingon language and a mannequin to display his uniform. so naturally, i avoided sci-fi like the plague for most of my life and in my recent years of allowing myself to enjoy some aspects of the genre, i've had a huge aversion to star trek. on my 9th birthday my family went on vacation to universal studios, florida. my dad forced us to participate in one of those cheesy "star in a star trek movie!", wherein you are given lines to recite in front of a green screen and they edit you into a pre-existing episode alongside spock, mccoy, etc. of course my sister and i were not thrilled to be wearing star trek costumes and ruining a perfectly good vacation. but when i was home this past month, i smuggled the video back with me and it somehow launched me warp speed into an another quadrant of the galaxy, beaming in some strange alter-ego evil twin to take my place here in seattle. that alter-ego actually sat on her ass watching star trek for 8 hours straight on monday. unbelievable, really.

tuesday: actually got shit done.

wednesday: nothing to report.

thursday: cashed in my babysitting sutra-bucks for me, shana, and maura to eat one of the most delicious meals i've ever encountered. love seabeans. mmm...

friday: after a post-work-mini-kegger that took place in the factory loading dock, i was the perfect amount of tipsy to thoroughly enjoy the laser: queen show with my science center passes. it exceeded all expectations and this will become part of my regular routine. after laser show, i begin my charitable pub crawl to drink for the kids. i drank a lot for the kids.

saturday: another day at work. i was late due to a parade of clowns that only i saw, that caused much bus rerouting. after work, i attempted to go to soul night sporting my midwest thrift store romper, only to find out that soul night had been moved...determined to dance, we moved to the cuff and met lots of friendly gay men who appreciated my romper like it deserves to be appreciated. dancing followed by cream cheese hotdog.

later that night...could it have been the cream cheese hotdog? could it have been the vodka-sevens i strangely ordered? i went to sleep that night feeling not very drunk and fine overall, but i woke up at 3:30 with a terrible stomach ache and knew that something had to come out of my body, one end or the other. i went to the bathroom to make that happen, with no success. i was awake in bed for two and half hours alone and in pain, considering waking someone up just so they could be with me in my suffering. i finally made myself puke around 6 and damn, did it feel good. i was fine after that...except that i had to wake up two hours later to go to work.

sunday: most insane day of work ever. one and a half staff members had no voice (not ideal for tour-giving), i was sickish and tired as hell, and marianne went home early because she started breaking out in hives in her mouth and her eyes swelled shut. which left us with two healthy people and five tours on our busiest day. iesh. the plot thickens...someone shat outside the store. liquid shit cascading down the rocks in our garden, right in front of our tour hopper door. with a paper towel used for wiping ass. who's job to clean it up? my job to clean it up! i will spare you the details, but it was an epic fail and i should get paid double for the things i touched.

depsite my exhaustion at this point, i went on an argosy cruise around lake washington with all of the local chocolate companies of seattle. it was as awkward and cheesy as i had imagined, but we got our drinks, sat in the corner with the chips and dip, and had a great and funny time.

now. it is finally my weekend.

there's something in the deli aisle.

sometimes that's enough to launch pre-birthday funk.

two parades in two weeks.

my living room is still a fort.



thank the powers that be for my lady friends.

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mid 20s crisis

last night i fell off my bike and scraped up my arm and leg.
then i slept in a treehouse.
tomorrow i'm building a gigantic blanket fort. i will eat ants on a log and puppy chow inside gigantic blanket fort.

childhood dreams finally realized.

it's not rocket science, but it's important

i've confronted a lot of fears lately. a lot of fears i actually didn't know i had to begin with until after the fact.

just this week, i got licked for an audience, rode my bicycle naked in front of thousands of people, and rode a high rail bicycle at the science center with only a socially awkward science nerd named dylan around to save me should i fall.

so far, i've felt great after each conquer. three for three. not bad, i'd say. crossing my fingers that this pattern continues because soon i have to address some trickier, messier fears. and...i'm scared.

today i saw an axolotl for the first time. it looked like a gremlin. volunteering at the science center= getting free passes, watching imax movies and eating popcorn, unlimited free fountain soda, and sitting in giant chairs. a beautiful symbiotic relationship.

just in case.

dear boobs,

i know we've been debating this subject for 9 years now, and i know what your position is on the topic, but just in case if you are thinking about shrinking ever, tonight while i'm asleep would be an excellent time.

thanks for considering my request. i hope we can continue to coexist in peace and perhaps even grow to like each other someday (...but for the record, i feel like you've been absolutely rotten to me even when i try to cultivate a friendship. so. just sayin'.)

love,

becca

watch it burn.

last night i got paid to (try to) eat a strawberry seductively and have a woman lick chocolate body paint off of my arm in front of 40 people. i tried to channel my leo rising, which mostly worked, but i still giggled awkwardly and blushed a little at first because no matter what, that's what i do. otherwise, i think i did a damn good job. everything is a learning experience.

i have so many, many things inside of me. maybe that's why the other night i dreamed that asha had grown to be the size of a gigantic hermit crab. gigantic. i feel like my dreams about asha are just manifestations of myself. it's always been true in the past.

my stranger horoscope says:

in honor of the karmic clean-up phase of your astrological cycle, i invite you to do the following exercise: imagine a pit in the middle of a desert that holds everything you've ever used up, spoiled, and outgrown. your old furniture is here, along with stuff like once-favorite clothes, cds, and empty boxes of your favorite cereal. but this garbage dump also contains subtler trash, like photos that capture cherished dreams you gave up on, mementos from failed relationships, and symbols of defunct beliefs and self-images you used to cling to. everything that is dead to you is gathered here. got that vision in your mind's eye? now picture yourself dousing the big heap of stuff with gasoline and setting it on fire. watch it burn.

i usually don't find my free will horoscope that relevant, but it was screaming at me this week, so i carefully ripped it out and hung it on my wall. yesterday i was eating macaroni and cheese at fremont coffee and flipping through a copy of the stranger...when i came to the astrology page, the same horoscope was ripped out. nothing else. some cancer somewhere else is fremont feels similarly caught up in the past...i wonder if s/he is having as much trouble with letting go of that shit as i am. i've piled it up. it's really hard to set it on fire.

anyway, enough emotional blah blah. the question now is...to naked bike, or not to naked bike?

harsh my mellow. steal my thunder. suck me into your event horizon.

up until last night, i've been a zombie. forced smiles and chopped hairs and twitching when i tried to relax.

it's good to sit in a pile a of cushions between people i love with a bag of gummy worms, a bloody mary, and a national geographic movie called "monster black holes."

but still. that ended with a tummy ache and a fear of getting sucked into pure nothingness. and more twitching.

last night i was the opposite of a black hole, spitting out light and energy and dance, warping space-time into infinity.

when i went to sleep, i did not twitch.

blogging killed the journal

mercury isn't supposed to be in retrograde anymore.

i missed my bus from ohio to minneapolis due to an accident on the highway. my parents actually drove me to indianapolis so i could catch the bus there. it was a nightmare, plus extra dollars to change my ticket. and pouring down cold rain.

i made it eventually. it was exhausting in a completely different way than ohio. a lot of things look the same, but they aren't. when i'm there i feel so conflicted and only half there. but i saw people i love, and i needed that. i went to a lot of places that make me nostalgic and to a lot of new places. and tried a lot of new drinks. namely free tibet punch and the pickled dragon.

yesterday i went to the airport to fly back to seattle. when i attempted to check in, i realized i had missed my flight. by 24 hours. oops. at that point i was already ridiculously beat (maybe it was the full moon, but i felt everything x100 the entire week) and ready to get on that g.d. plane and sleep in my bed.

instead, i waited in line for an hour, bought a new ticket for $150, and lugged my shit out to the curb to wait for a ride. i returned with a lot more than i left with. i reclaimed my box of memories that has been living at my professor's house for the past year. two quilts made by grandma, a box of photographs, my undergrad research papers, and 10 years worth of journals.

10 years worth of journals. it was a heavy box.

so i went back to the city, undid all the goodbyes, said goodbye again, couldn't sleep, then boarded a 7:15am flight.

i can't remember ever feeling this drained. i have nothing in me.

now off to work.

the rest is for my neglected, lonely journal.

storm

last night claudia and i rode bikes in a real thunderstorm.

a real thunderstorm.

to the east, the sky was nearly black and lightning just filled the sky over the fields. to the west, the sunset over the fields.

someone drove past in a pick-up and offered us a ride, which we declined.

we made it home just before the wind and heavy rain started. so we stood on the porch and watched.

still no lightning bug sightings.

tomorrow i leave ohio.

dj glowstick

weddings. are. so. freaking. gendered.

all i really wanted was someone to make eye contact with across the room during the particularly painful moments.

there were glow sticks at the reception. at least there was that. and an open bar. can't forget the open bar that made reuniting with high school friends at least a tad more bearable...

i bonded with the ring bearer. he was about four years old and told me stories about chickens and trees and golf carts.

on the way home we passed a farm with a zebra grazing in the field. honestly.

after a phat nap, my mom made me baked spaghetti with fake ground beef in it. they had friends over. friends with children. lots of conversation about where i go to church and who they should set me up with. *nervous laughter* but the five-year-old boy loved me. he said, and i quote, "can i see your moves again?", "i want to cuddle with you and watch cartoons," "can i spend the night here?", and "can i have more hugs and kisses before i leave?"

well, at least i'm a hit with the young men.

time warp.

here i am. i don't have energy to write about how i feel (shame, for a cancer...), so i'm just going to share some nuggets of midwest/fugate household culture.

straight from the airport we drove an hour and a half to a chain restaurant called noodles & co. in some depressing-as-hell suburb of columbus because this kid i graduated with who is both creepy and weird works there and my dad is obsessed with creepy/weird kid and wishes he was his son. he was way more excited to see this guy than he was to see me. so an hour and a half fresh off the plane i'm sitting in an overly air-conditioned fast food noodle restaurant, holding hands with shane and my sister while my dad prays over our penne (may it nourish our bodies and our souls).

the way home was flat flat flat...field after field, amish buggy after amish buggy. it's kind of beautiful, actually. the wide open spaces. you can see it raining miles away, which is amazing if you've never seen that. we didn't talk much. my dad just fussed over his damn gps and muttered at the woman in that little box giving him directions. he was mad because he knewn a better way. gps should know the best way. (why do you need gps if you already know the best way?). every once in a while we'd drive past a farm and someone would say: "oh becca, you remember joe-bob. you know, mary-anne's brother? he graduated a year after you? he moved to that house right there with his new wife. he's working at the bank now, but he's joining the army soon."



and that's pretty much all i've done. aside from eating at this fantastic all-you-can-eat buffet with mediocre/low quality food. mostly meat dishes. but i love me a salad bar.

there are some good things. i've gone to the giant salvation army thrift store. and to the drive in. my mom's been pretty nice. and my little sister is so grown up and funny and smart. as long as i can tune out my dad's assholishness, it's not so bad.



the nativity collection in my house:



jesus is everywhere.



the mannequin, sheila.



and finally, a gem from salvation army.

i made bill cosby laugh

in my dream last night. he was standing behind me in line at the post office and i said something funny. something very funny.

today is the 1 year anniversary of my blog! happy birthday, blog! which means i should probably be writing something spectacular and profound.

...

um...

...

the usual struggle between fear and love

last night i was so happy to be a smoker, just so i could give this woman a cigarette in exchange for some wisdom and perspective.

when she asked me to bum one, she said she hadn't smoked in a year. she had her son three months ago and this was her first time going out since. i don't know what it was that struck me. maybe because she was so aware of how insane and miraculous it is to grow, birth, and raise a miniature human being. or because she was such an odd combination of amazed and terrified and exhausted and determined to maintain a sense of self at the same time. maybe it was just the honesty of the situation. or that our lives are so drastically different because of one factor, but there we were standing together at this strange intersection of our lives, made possible by bali shag and the crescent's sunday night karaoke.

i certainly don't want to have a baby. it just felt strangely moving to hear about such genuine, chaotic love. it made me want give her my number and offer to babysit anytime, so she could keep going out and drinking beer and dancing with her friends occasionally, but i didn't want to be a creeper. maybe i should have been.

i don't think i'm doing a very good job saying what i'm trying to say. that's okay.

my cat's new food is giving him diarrhea.

someday i would like to give tours of caves. i think i would be an excellent cave tour guide.

ohio countdown: 8 days.

hairnets, hairnets everywhere

"my life is surreal" highlights for week of may 10:

1. 25 adults running loose after hours in a chocolate factory. climbing up ladders, crossing the yellow and black line, catching fresh chocolate flake in their hands. it falls like snow from the refiner in big, fluffy flakes. a chocolate blizzard.



2. drinking free beer on the knuckles of a giant troll with a bunch of bike bros.

3. willingly allowing a madagascar hissing cockroach to crawl all over me because. i think it's neat.

right now my hair is too long, my attention span is too short, my favorite animal is a wandering albatross, and i want a lightning bug tattoo behind my left ear.

what!? i iz reading the newz!

ba-bun-dred

shall i keep adding to the MIR (merc in retro) list? okay.

-mom accidentally scheduled her vacation for the week before i come home instead of the week i actually am home
-my loan company called my whole family trying to track me down because the bill they sent me was returned from the post office with a note that said i was unlisted
-my bus was forty five minutes late the other day

cloud cult made me feel like my soul was bursting. it hurt and it felt good. i didn't cry, but i could have if i were a person who ever cried to begin with.

lately i've been daydreaming about the next big change in my life. it comes in these random pangs. i'll be walking down the street and think about all of my friends and i relocating to the caribbean, like a babysitter's club super special. or yesterday a customer came in and started talking about his non-profit in south africa and how they probably need people to work for them soon. and i just imagined. or when ben and larissa were cutting their hair i thought about how maybe now is the right time to shave my head.

last night i dreamed i got this big tree tattoo. really simple lines all down my arm. in the dream i loved it so, so much. i looked for it online today, but it doesn't exist.

a customer came up to the register and said, "i'll have a dark marshmallow big daddy. because that's what i am." um...i felt embarrassed for him.

i love my friends and birthday dinners and watching sarah haskins until we can't keep our eyes open and the $2.35 we made busking on the ave and the protest song that will inspire generations to come.

collard mercs

i have started keeping track of things i attribute to mercury being in retrograde. so far they are:

-losing my keys at work
-losing my spare bike key
-my bus being 21 minutes late
-losing my library book so severely that spl is threatening to send me to collections
-relentless automated phone calls re: my vehicle's factory warranty
-the button on my jeans actually broke. it did not pop off. it just broke in half. while i was peeing.

granted, all of these things happen to me frequently anyway. and granted, this whole retrograde business isn't supposed to start until tomorrow morning. but still. i am preparing for the worst. i imagine it's going to involve a lot of communication break downs and relationship processing and me being late for work. fuck friday the 13th. it's nothing. i'm staying in bed until may 30th.

and, as if that weren't enough planetary action to make turn me into grumpy grumpkins, there is a full moon saturday. i'm in a love/hate relationship with my blood and the lunar cycle. i think i ovulated last week, which perhaps will put me on the right track for once. or it could be all in my head. i'm growing increasingly irritable by the minute.

this calls for shitty bar food, touchy porn, and shamelessly eating my weight in pearl jasmine confections.

on the way home from aforementioned activities, liz t and i walked by the fusion ultra lounge, the swanky club that shares a wall with the divey sketch-bar blue moon. they have the dress code posted on the window that includes such things as: "clean shoes. no solid color shirts. tight fitting clothes. collard shirts." collard shirts, eh? so i and my dress code violating ass decided to pop in and inform the management of the spelling error. some server came out to investigate and just looked perplexed. says liz, "it says collard. not collared. like collard greens! which really doesn't mean a lot when it comes to shirts!"

true. it doesn't mean a lot when it comes to shirts. give me the blue moon any day.

going to bed to hide out. see you in 23 days.




p.s. eek! i just realized i will be flying on an airplane during this chaos. a terrible idea. a terrible. idea.

all nighter

the only evidence that this weekend really happened:

1. the dead raccoon we stopped to pick up on the way home


2. the nebula bruise on my bum from falling down the front porch steps


things that did not happen this weekend:

chicken coop building. *sigh* shana and i realize we have no building skillz. we did measure our yard, so that's progress...

big head

i thought i would have more time to write tonight. i have time. i don't have energy. my brain is made of mashed potatoes.
here is a may day photo. me two years ago:

ah, changes.
in new york we all said we feel like we've changed so much since 2006. i told them i've changed a lot, but they all seem the same to me. with different scenery, different characters. they are still there. they laughed and told me i am the same. i was shocked! but damn does it feel good to feel known. and to be reminded that i was still me inside, even under that papier mache crane head.

three damn nights.

there is too much to say and only ten minutes to say it.
red schwinn is back in action, ready to take me on summer biking adventures. it was a joyful reunion indeed.
i'll have to write about this weekend's real joyful reunion later. summary: i am overwhelmed with love, i hope i wasn't the one to bring swine flu to seattle, and it's nice to be back in a place where i'm not frowned upon for walking slowly. i really really enjoy walking slowly.
last night i taught a man who dropped his false teeth on my arm just one wednesday ago how to do a jazz square.
this morning oliver got stuck in a tote bag handle and tried to look proud while i laughed at him and took pictures.
there is nothing i would change about my life right now.

loving you is easy

dear world,

it's spring. i'm all giggly. i have a crush on everyone. i just can't help it. uh oh...

love,
becca

leaving for nyc tomorrow for a reunion with osisi wami, where a piece of my soul that never feels rested will finally be able to rest for a few days...then i'll be back to seattle spring. longer days, shorter attention span, back to hooping and chickens and potlucks and a klezmer band and lying in the grass and being hopelessly in love with everyone...

unrelated, if you haven't read this article from the feministing weekly reader, it's pretty worthwhile. from now on, will save my energy and just direct people to this posting when they want to debate.

okay back to being in love...i met the cutest scorpio today. so giddy, tehe...

life's maximum generosity

hardwick's swap shop is an amazing local hardware store that's filled wall to wall with useful and non-useful junk. they have employees named loyd who wear suspenders and flannel shirts and huge beards and sell t-shirts that say things like "i got hammered at hardwick's."

things i have purchased from hardwick's:

-wire mesh to make my papier mache hermit crab shell for my halloween costume
-an oven mitt for the hermit crab claw
-hula hoop connectors and tape
-a saw on which to make music
-mason jars
-an empty wire reel for 50 cents on which to hang my hula hoops
-a flask

nothing for its intended purpose except the flask, which was in the impulse buy section by the register, between the inspection mirrors and shimming wedges. a $4.50 impulse buy while we waited in line for the people ahead of us to buy muffin tins.

summer is getting closer and people are getting crazier. it's a blur of hula hooping and cherry blossoms and college kids and karaoke and a late night picnics by the canal and awkward birthdays and thinking about how i can sleep another time in life...now is the time to be tired.

i know i'm writing about this shit a lot, but my free will horoscope was amazing this week:

What I'd really like to see you do in the coming weeks is party harder and party smarter than usual. In my astrological opinion, you're most likely to attract life's maximum generosity by shedding some of your social inhibitions and cultivating the pleasures of free-form networking. Believe me, I know how important it is for you to maintain the kind of strict boundaries that protect you from being overly influenced by other people. It's what keeps you in close touch with your intuition. But for the foreseeable future, I think you'll thrive on the unexpected blessings that come from giving yourself to the intelligence of the crowd.

ha! this is a bit late. i don't think i can party any harder than i have been and i've had enough "unexpected blessings" to hold me over for a while...

meet george jetson.

last night i was walking home over the 45th street bridge, crossing the street where cars exit I-5 and people stand holding cardboard signs, hoping for money from drivers as they wait for the light to change. there were no cars, just me walking. this man approached me with his sign that said "aggressive beggar." i recognized him. when i was waiting for the bus on easter, he was drunk and telling me how he thinks of the jetson's theme song every time he walks across the bridge and sees the space needle.

"sorry, i've got nothing." i didn't have anything i could give him. no food, no money, i meant. he walked beside me and rolled his eyes, "you've got nothing! hah! you've got nothing!" i thought the point was to make me reconsider the meaning of those words, to think about how false they are. and they are. but that's not what he meant.

he looked me up and down. and up and down. and up and down again. and said it once more. "hah, you've got nothing. yeah right. let me show you what these kids gave me." as we walked he pulled a magazine out of his bag and opened the pages in front of my face. naked women. naked women which huge breasts, naked women touching their vaginas. and he said it again, "and you've got nothing." "i don't want to look at that," i said. "don't be offended. these kids gave it to me." "well, i am offended." "well you shouldn't be. look!" he flashed the magazine in front of my face again. this blonde woman with red fingernails and a vacant look in her eyes. i said goodnight and kept walking and he yelled at me until i got to the next light and the sound of his voice was drowned out by the sound of the freeway (which i've accidentally been pretending is the sound of the ocean lately).

it's funny because right before that i had been thinking of my little sister. about how she'll be the only redeeming part of my trip home. i was thinking about how the last time i saw her she was 11 and now she's 13 with boobs and a cell phone and photos of herself wearing giant sunglasses on myspace (which says she's 19 and from idaho...). and about that time we were talking on the phone and she told me she was going to get her belly button pierced because now she's "skinny enough." and about how for graduation she jokingly gave me a razor because she thinks it's super gross that i don't shave my legs. and i was actually getting hopeful that maybe she's old enough to understand that i'm not gross and maybe mature enough to understand that you can love yourself even if you're not skinny if i presented it in the right way...and i was getting sad because she probably doesn't hear those things enough. she doesn't. i didn't and maybe i've failed as a big sister for not saying them enough. anyway, here i was scheming about how to turn my little sister into a feminist in seven days and brainstorming about how to not scare her and push her further into the depths of small-town ohio culture and conservative evangelical christian ideals when this man approached me and shoved fucking porn into my face.

and of course i felt angry. his eyes staring at my body through layers and layers of clothes somehow made me feel ashamed of what was under them because i've felt ashamed of what was under them for years and years and years. and if that single interaction could instantly bring all of these insecurities to the surface in me, what if that had been my little sister?

not fair not fair not fair not fair.

moon blood

Full Moon Menstruation

The full moon is vitality: time to work changes, to make decisions, to show one's power, to bring something into being, to work politically. Noontime heat spreads in waves across the sky, fiery energy at its peak, streaming power evoking earthly blooms.

The energy of full moon menstruation is outward, world-nourishing. You have to be a real bundle of energy to be happy and satisfied with your work under this charged condition. Feasts and celebrations go well with full moon bleeding. During this time, the most powerful magic can be worked and influence exerted. The volcano already pours forth; the ire need only be controlled and directed. Now is the time to learn to transform energy: turn rage into creative action, belly cramps into sensuousness. -http://www.drakenenergie.nl/moontime.htm

...yup. sounds about right.

does anyone know anyone who will teach me to read natal astrological charts in exchange for a hula hoop or chocolate or saw lessons or a hug? this would be a perfect situation for the timebank. last week, i thought that our idea had already been done locally at dibspace.com, but it seems set up for people with small businesses who trade professional skillz...timebank is for everyone and values skillz that aren't traditionally valued.

so many projects, so little time...

he is risen indeed.

actual text from dad: happy easter. has the sun come up where you are yet? how about the son?

ah, good one dad. very clever.

i'm celebrating the rising of our lord and savior by eating delicious food. then napping until it's time to feed again. my festiveness peaked when i ate a bite of ben's marshmallow peep pizza. it was predictably disgusting. i hope i never find out what peeps are made of. i successfully set up a chocolate barter account with the pizza store though.

there is so much more to say, but it will have to wait. i have a very important nap date with oliver. i swear he gets a little bit cuter every day. no, every time i look at him. i don't mean to keep taking pictures of him, but when he breaks his previous cute record, it needs to be documented. soon i'll have enough for a calendar. maybe a lolcatz calendar. of all oliver. i'll make cookies for whoever and come up with the best lolcatz captions for the latest.







here's one more thing to think about, then i will leave you to celebrate the empty tomb:

philoso-fickle

tomorrow is a libra full moon. i'm not completely sure what that means, but it probably explains a lot. it probably explains why when i got on the bus, the driver said, "you're a modern woman!" and it explains why mark wanted to bask in my aura and why liz and i woke up on sunday morning and decided to get fish tattoos and why i decided to start wearing thongs and dumpster diving turned into a night of debauchery and people at kate's want to talk to me about being gay and asha re-emerged from her annual hibernation for a bit.

and maybe that i'm about to menstruate. hopefully. with the moon.

joke's on me.

funny:





also, these jokes!

not:

seattle weather gods.

sun nap

not a lot to report.

shana and i are getting chickens in the city soon. thanks seattle free school! we are also quite busy with wahoooolahoops and our new business idea: creating a seattle timebank. there is much to be done.

oliver is sitting on my arms as i type, making it rather challenging to type, but so worth it. seriously. everything he does is cuter than the thing he did before.

the only other thing i have is this, from feministing:



indeed.

six mamas

guess how i woke up this morning? guess!....if you said, "an adorable 'lil kitty peeked his adorable 'lil head in your door and let out an adorable 'lil 'meow'", you'd be correct. any other guesses: wrong.

so here he is, the third cat of my lifetime. also the third orange tabby in my life, following amanda miss kitty and halexander the great (aka hal). rip. and now, world, i proudly present *v. long trumpet fanfare*......oliver t. cat:



he's lurking around curiously now...i want him to love me and sleep with me. taking it slowly...

in other news, dobs came to visit last week. it was as if we'd never been apart. we frolicked around the city and got spontaneous tattoos! lunar eclipse:



hmm. i'm thinking i should probably put oliver's litter box in a more private place. i just watched him poop again and he turns his back to the people in the room and kind of buries his face shamefully in the fireplace. and i, proud new mother, am thinking how adorable it is and what a good 'lil pooper he is and awwww, look how he buries it when he's done even that's cute everything you do it hopelessly cute...

and because i just figured out how to email myself pictures from my cell phone about ten minutes ago, here's another random photo for your enjoyment.



an oil drip i saw in the parking lot months ago. beautiful, tragic.