the usual struggle between fear and love

last night i was so happy to be a smoker, just so i could give this woman a cigarette in exchange for some wisdom and perspective.

when she asked me to bum one, she said she hadn't smoked in a year. she had her son three months ago and this was her first time going out since. i don't know what it was that struck me. maybe because she was so aware of how insane and miraculous it is to grow, birth, and raise a miniature human being. or because she was such an odd combination of amazed and terrified and exhausted and determined to maintain a sense of self at the same time. maybe it was just the honesty of the situation. or that our lives are so drastically different because of one factor, but there we were standing together at this strange intersection of our lives, made possible by bali shag and the crescent's sunday night karaoke.

i certainly don't want to have a baby. it just felt strangely moving to hear about such genuine, chaotic love. it made me want give her my number and offer to babysit anytime, so she could keep going out and drinking beer and dancing with her friends occasionally, but i didn't want to be a creeper. maybe i should have been.

i don't think i'm doing a very good job saying what i'm trying to say. that's okay.

my cat's new food is giving him diarrhea.

someday i would like to give tours of caves. i think i would be an excellent cave tour guide.

ohio countdown: 8 days.