11 August 2008

sippin' on coke and juice

i did it.
i worried myself sick.
now i can't breathe and my head feels like it's going to explode.
my hippie co-worker just asked, "in what ways is your stress serving you?"
"um, it's not. it sucks. i hate it."
"then mind over matter. mind over matter."
thanks. that's very helpful.
she also said, "if you live by the freeway, don't pretend it's the ocean or everytime you go to the ocean, you'll only hear freeway." ...hmm. now there's some advice i can work with.

other advice i can work with: my little sister did some informal research for me. turns out that 100% of her sample population of senior citizens in rural ohio swear that drinking a mixture of welch's grape juice and coca-cola will dissolve "the barbs off of kidney stones." then they slide right on through and there ya go. no need for surgery! i'm willing to try anything at this point. it's not as bad as you think, actually. in fact it's growing on me a bit....well, here's to hoping...

things i'm hoping to find on craigslist:
-a hot air balloon. i would really like to sail around the world in a hot air balloon right now.
-a rich, old, lonely person who has so much money they don't know what to do with it. perhaps she wants to pay off my student loan debt in exchange for me sharing a few meals, playing scrabble, and just hanging out. this person must exist.

2 comments:

Shana said...

How big was her senior citizen sample population?

Beeswax said...

I know just the woman for you. To the right of the Bombay Grill, just up the street is a storefront with a bunch of dying plants in it--windows that should have pretty trinkets for sale in them, just full of beautiful plants, slowly dying...and dust covering all of it. The downstairs HB neighbor says she ahs seen the door to this building open once. Just once. And that a little old lady lives in there, and she peeked in the day it was open and there was just stuff EVERY where. I have fantasies of leaving a note on her door and telling her that I want to come and take care of her plants for her, and just chat with her- it seems like the kind of relationship that would start a novel...but i'm not ready to do it. You could do it, and maybe you would find out that she's sitting on a pot of gold! Voila: amazing plan #1.