powers

i have accidentally tapped into a magical brain power. or at least something that feels like a magical brain power.

not like times i've tried to access magical brain power in the past. remember in elementary school when you finished a test and you had to sit there until everyone else was done? i always finished early, so i'd set my pencil on my desk, stare at it, and try to move it with my magical brain powers. this never worked.

but lately, when i release a thought into the universe, it has been coming back to me like a boomerang...only upon its return, the thought becomes real: a person, an opportunity, or sometimes a lunch item.

kind of creepy, eh? i wonder if it's temporary. or if i have any control over these magical brain powers. regardless, i suppose i should be especially careful what i think.

maybe i should give that pencil thing another go, too...

somewhat related, i attended my first birth tonight at the hospital. the opportunity came out of nowhere, unless you count all the antsy thoughts i've had this week regarding my stagnant doula career.

when i got the call i pulled out my notes and started cramming and nervously smoking a cigarette on my porch. so much to think about! when do i use the birthing ball? what do i do if they try to give her pitocin? at how many centimeters do i stop touching her and only ask her yes or no questions? gah! nerves, nerves, nerves...

it turns out, like i knew but couldn't feel, it was fine. we connected beautifully. slow dancing was her labor position of choice. also breathing out with horse lips helped her a lot, especially when i did it with her.

it was really something, swaying and blowing raspberries for hours and hours together, her big baby belly up against my empty one.

god, i can't believe life starts like that.