28 July 2009
melted
i hope my sweat doesn't drip into my computer keyboard and make it explode.
i sweat significantly more than everyone else. really, i do.
oliver desperately wants to get out of this oven of a house. so do i. i want to be cool. i want to be able to sleep again.
i'm miserable. miiisserablleeeee!!!!
i need a fan. i want to put a bowl of ice cubes in front of said fan.
i think seattle is really out of fans. dumb fucking seattle and its mild fucking weather.
grrrrshmmmmrrggggeeeeeeeee.....blrg.
i sweat significantly more than everyone else. really, i do.
oliver desperately wants to get out of this oven of a house. so do i. i want to be cool. i want to be able to sleep again.
i'm miserable. miiisserablleeeee!!!!
i need a fan. i want to put a bowl of ice cubes in front of said fan.
i think seattle is really out of fans. dumb fucking seattle and its mild fucking weather.
grrrrshmmmmrrggggeeeeeeeee.....blrg.
25 July 2009
two degrees from kevin bacon
have you ever tried to be grumpy while wearing a tutu?
i would have said it was impossible before last night. now i know it can be done. and it can be done well.
here's how:
step one- have a bad week. work lots of hours, don't sleep much, and let yourself get nice and irritable.
step two- choose an activity to look forward to and muster up whatever energy you have to get excited about it. (example: a ferry carnival, full of joy and positive energy.)
step three- on your way to said activity, leave the house in plenty of time, get stuck in bumper to bumper friday rush hour traffic for forty minutes, stop at every red light, curse the cars around you for existing, think about how you should have taken the bus, pay $11 for parking, sprint to the ferry terminal with all your hula hoops and musical instruments, and arrive just as the ferry woman is closing the gate and the boat is floating away with your carnival on it.
step four (optional)- channel any ounce of cancer you have in your zodiac chart that traps you in your mood so that when people try to cheer you up, it will just make you feel worse.
and that, folks, is how to be grumpy in a tutu.
i would have said it was impossible before last night. now i know it can be done. and it can be done well.
here's how:
step one- have a bad week. work lots of hours, don't sleep much, and let yourself get nice and irritable.
step two- choose an activity to look forward to and muster up whatever energy you have to get excited about it. (example: a ferry carnival, full of joy and positive energy.)
step three- on your way to said activity, leave the house in plenty of time, get stuck in bumper to bumper friday rush hour traffic for forty minutes, stop at every red light, curse the cars around you for existing, think about how you should have taken the bus, pay $11 for parking, sprint to the ferry terminal with all your hula hoops and musical instruments, and arrive just as the ferry woman is closing the gate and the boat is floating away with your carnival on it.
step four (optional)- channel any ounce of cancer you have in your zodiac chart that traps you in your mood so that when people try to cheer you up, it will just make you feel worse.
and that, folks, is how to be grumpy in a tutu.
21 July 2009
i iz surfin the netz
yesterday i rediscovered how romantic and dramatic and fun writing a letter on a typewriter is. only the cartridge ran out of ink half way through my letter...so i spent $27 on two new cartridges...money that should have been put toward credit card payments or savings or something responsible and adultish. alas.
other than frivolous purchases of ink cartridges and paintings and ice cream, i have been, overall, a very balanced and healthy human being the past few days; cleaning my room, going to yoga, taking walks, writing letters, eating salad...i remembered how important it is to make myself spend time alone (and away from the computer). on the outside i think i exude melancholy, but inside i feel quite zen and peaceful. i'm trying really hard not to launch into on of my unsustainable saint sprees this time, and just relax and ease into good habits and general acceptance of where life brings me. we'll see...
meanwhile i've been reading about reproductive rights and education, doulas, and midwifery and trying not to get carried away fantasizing about the future.
oh, did anyone watch the new target women (see last post)? it turns out that the woman who wrote the rating system book is my sister's co-worker! ah, world, you are so tiny.
also, jodi sent me this link from racialicious. it helps to know a bit about south minneapolis if you don't, but chicago-lake is my old neighborhood, known for lots of diversity, lots of crime, and, recently, lots of gentrification. so these ads are...well, blatantly racist. anyway, that was my liquor store. sigh.
17 July 2009
cheese to sickbay!
did you know there is a tangletown in minneapolis and a tangletown in seattle? according to the powers that be of wikipedia, those are the only two locations. how 'bout that?
housemates are leaving town and coming home, the living room is still a blanket fort, and my bike crash wound is healing into a nice little scar. i'm relearning how to spend quality time alone and trying not to take every damn thing personally.
i registered for the doula training course next month! it feels exciting and meaningful, two things i haven't felt much lately.
irritating customer of the day: this man who comes in periodically to buy confections for his superhero-maybe-fictional wife. here's what i know about her: she's german, she was the first ultrasound technician person in washington, she rock climbs, she's in her late 60s, she beat all the canadians in a big swimming race, she's retired, but gets paid $65 an hour when she decides to go to work, has a huge pension, and also huge boobs (but she had a reduction because she felt self-concious about them). and i'm a captive audience stuck behind the counter, forced to listen to him talk about how much money they have and his wife's breasts. "i married her because she was beautiful," he says, "but it turns out she had brains, too!" well, how lucky.
i also gave a tour to veterans and their families. one man said, "i'm curious about what the gender breakdown is of the company. i bet it's all women. because women loooovvveee chocolate. more than men." he laughed at his own stupid comment. you could tell he'd been rehearsing it in his brain. i took great pleasure in responding that originally in aztec culture, women weren't allowed to eat chocolate, as it was considered spiritually enlightening and strength-building, thus there is no inherent connection between women and chocolate. the veteran wives really liked it when i said that.
ah, molesty chocolate wind.
have you ever tried to make a list of your top 5 pleasurable experiences? it's not an easy task.
housemates are leaving town and coming home, the living room is still a blanket fort, and my bike crash wound is healing into a nice little scar. i'm relearning how to spend quality time alone and trying not to take every damn thing personally.
i registered for the doula training course next month! it feels exciting and meaningful, two things i haven't felt much lately.
irritating customer of the day: this man who comes in periodically to buy confections for his superhero-maybe-fictional wife. here's what i know about her: she's german, she was the first ultrasound technician person in washington, she rock climbs, she's in her late 60s, she beat all the canadians in a big swimming race, she's retired, but gets paid $65 an hour when she decides to go to work, has a huge pension, and also huge boobs (but she had a reduction because she felt self-concious about them). and i'm a captive audience stuck behind the counter, forced to listen to him talk about how much money they have and his wife's breasts. "i married her because she was beautiful," he says, "but it turns out she had brains, too!" well, how lucky.
i also gave a tour to veterans and their families. one man said, "i'm curious about what the gender breakdown is of the company. i bet it's all women. because women loooovvveee chocolate. more than men." he laughed at his own stupid comment. you could tell he'd been rehearsing it in his brain. i took great pleasure in responding that originally in aztec culture, women weren't allowed to eat chocolate, as it was considered spiritually enlightening and strength-building, thus there is no inherent connection between women and chocolate. the veteran wives really liked it when i said that.
ah, molesty chocolate wind.
have you ever tried to make a list of your top 5 pleasurable experiences? it's not an easy task.
15 July 2009
sit here for the present
remember my free will astrology horoscope from last month about watching the big pile of shit burn? i've been following my horoscope since. i know nobody cares, but i do:
june 18
We ask that you not divulge the climax of the epic story to anyone -- at least until you've let it sink in for a while and felt all the reverberations it has unleashed. After that, you'll be wise to speak about it only with skilled listeners and empathetic allies who can help you harvest the meaning of all the clues that were packed inside your adventures. One further counsel: Before you reach the absolute, final denouement of the drama, there may be a tricky turn that looks a lot like the ending.
june 25
"His heart was growing full of broken wings and artificial flowers," wrote poet Federico Garcia Lorca. "In his mouth, just one small word was left." There were times during the first half of June when I was tempted to borrow those words to describe you, Cancerian. Now, thankfully, you're moving into a much brighter phase. The buds that are about to bloom in your heart are very much alive, not artificial, and your wings, while not fully restored to strength, are healing. Meanwhile, your mouth is even now being replenished with a fresh supply of many vivid words.
july 2
The ancient Chinese sage Lao Tse said, "People of the highest caliber, upon hearing about Taoism, follow it and practice it immediately. People of average caliber, hearing about Taoism, reflect for a while and then experiment. People of the lowest caliber, hearing about Taoism, let out a big laugh." Now substitute the words "your splashy new ideas" for "Taoism" in Lao Tse's quote and you'll have your horoscope for this week, Cancerian. For added punch, remember what he said in another context: "No idea can be considered valuable until a thousand people have laughed at it."
july 9
I believe that when you chatter carelessly about a big change that's in the works, you're in danger of draining it of some of its potency. So I don't want to trumpet or gossip about the gift that's on its way to you. I'll just mention that it's coming, and urge you to prepare a clean, well-lit place for it to land. Here's a hint: It could, among other things, help you convert one of your vulnerabilities into a strength or inspire you to start transforming an area of ignorance into a future source of brilliance.
july 16
I invite you to write down brief descriptions of the five most pleasurable moments you've ever experienced in your life. Let your imagination dwell lovingly on these memories for, say, 20 minutes. And keep them close to the surface of your awareness in the week ahead. If you ever catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, interrupt it immediately and compel yourself to fantasize about those Big Five Ecstatic Moments. This exercise will be an excellent way to prime yourself for a New Age of Unhurried Bliss and Gentle Beauty, which I predict is just ahead for you. If you can keep the morose part of your mind quiet, there's a good chance you will stir up a new ecstatic experience that will belong near the top of your all-time list.
okay. i'm ready for a some big fantastic thing to happen! i've burned my old shit, i've cleared the way, been introspective, thought of brilliant "splashy" ideas, and am now open to receive a big. fucking. present.
i pulled something in my back.
today when i got to work, my period started with a gush. i was not prepared. paper towel waddage for the rest of the day.
but i finally had a good tour; these two 11-year-old girls hugged and thanked me. i nearly cried. what?
june 18
We ask that you not divulge the climax of the epic story to anyone -- at least until you've let it sink in for a while and felt all the reverberations it has unleashed. After that, you'll be wise to speak about it only with skilled listeners and empathetic allies who can help you harvest the meaning of all the clues that were packed inside your adventures. One further counsel: Before you reach the absolute, final denouement of the drama, there may be a tricky turn that looks a lot like the ending.
june 25
"His heart was growing full of broken wings and artificial flowers," wrote poet Federico Garcia Lorca. "In his mouth, just one small word was left." There were times during the first half of June when I was tempted to borrow those words to describe you, Cancerian. Now, thankfully, you're moving into a much brighter phase. The buds that are about to bloom in your heart are very much alive, not artificial, and your wings, while not fully restored to strength, are healing. Meanwhile, your mouth is even now being replenished with a fresh supply of many vivid words.
july 2
The ancient Chinese sage Lao Tse said, "People of the highest caliber, upon hearing about Taoism, follow it and practice it immediately. People of average caliber, hearing about Taoism, reflect for a while and then experiment. People of the lowest caliber, hearing about Taoism, let out a big laugh." Now substitute the words "your splashy new ideas" for "Taoism" in Lao Tse's quote and you'll have your horoscope for this week, Cancerian. For added punch, remember what he said in another context: "No idea can be considered valuable until a thousand people have laughed at it."
july 9
I believe that when you chatter carelessly about a big change that's in the works, you're in danger of draining it of some of its potency. So I don't want to trumpet or gossip about the gift that's on its way to you. I'll just mention that it's coming, and urge you to prepare a clean, well-lit place for it to land. Here's a hint: It could, among other things, help you convert one of your vulnerabilities into a strength or inspire you to start transforming an area of ignorance into a future source of brilliance.
july 16
I invite you to write down brief descriptions of the five most pleasurable moments you've ever experienced in your life. Let your imagination dwell lovingly on these memories for, say, 20 minutes. And keep them close to the surface of your awareness in the week ahead. If you ever catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, interrupt it immediately and compel yourself to fantasize about those Big Five Ecstatic Moments. This exercise will be an excellent way to prime yourself for a New Age of Unhurried Bliss and Gentle Beauty, which I predict is just ahead for you. If you can keep the morose part of your mind quiet, there's a good chance you will stir up a new ecstatic experience that will belong near the top of your all-time list.
okay. i'm ready for a some big fantastic thing to happen! i've burned my old shit, i've cleared the way, been introspective, thought of brilliant "splashy" ideas, and am now open to receive a big. fucking. present.
i pulled something in my back.
today when i got to work, my period started with a gush. i was not prepared. paper towel waddage for the rest of the day.
but i finally had a good tour; these two 11-year-old girls hugged and thanked me. i nearly cried. what?
13 July 2009
all signs point to cream cheese hotdog
this week. a play-by-play:
monday: yet again, my father has nearly ruined something wonderful for me: science fiction. i grew up with a dad who had an embarrassingly impressive star trek collection, including a bible written in the klingon language and a mannequin to display his uniform. so naturally, i avoided sci-fi like the plague for most of my life and in my recent years of allowing myself to enjoy some aspects of the genre, i've had a huge aversion to star trek. on my 9th birthday my family went on vacation to universal studios, florida. my dad forced us to participate in one of those cheesy "star in a star trek movie!", wherein you are given lines to recite in front of a green screen and they edit you into a pre-existing episode alongside spock, mccoy, etc. of course my sister and i were not thrilled to be wearing star trek costumes and ruining a perfectly good vacation. but when i was home this past month, i smuggled the video back with me and it somehow launched me warp speed into an another quadrant of the galaxy, beaming in some strange alter-ego evil twin to take my place here in seattle. that alter-ego actually sat on her ass watching star trek for 8 hours straight on monday. unbelievable, really.
tuesday: actually got shit done.
wednesday: nothing to report.
thursday: cashed in my babysitting sutra-bucks for me, shana, and maura to eat one of the most delicious meals i've ever encountered. love seabeans. mmm...
friday: after a post-work-mini-kegger that took place in the factory loading dock, i was the perfect amount of tipsy to thoroughly enjoy the laser: queen show with my science center passes. it exceeded all expectations and this will become part of my regular routine. after laser show, i begin my charitable pub crawl to drink for the kids. i drank a lot for the kids.
saturday: another day at work. i was late due to a parade of clowns that only i saw, that caused much bus rerouting. after work, i attempted to go to soul night sporting my midwest thrift store romper, only to find out that soul night had been moved...determined to dance, we moved to the cuff and met lots of friendly gay men who appreciated my romper like it deserves to be appreciated. dancing followed by cream cheese hotdog.
later that night...could it have been the cream cheese hotdog? could it have been the vodka-sevens i strangely ordered? i went to sleep that night feeling not very drunk and fine overall, but i woke up at 3:30 with a terrible stomach ache and knew that something had to come out of my body, one end or the other. i went to the bathroom to make that happen, with no success. i was awake in bed for two and half hours alone and in pain, considering waking someone up just so they could be with me in my suffering. i finally made myself puke around 6 and damn, did it feel good. i was fine after that...except that i had to wake up two hours later to go to work.
sunday: most insane day of work ever. one and a half staff members had no voice (not ideal for tour-giving), i was sickish and tired as hell, and marianne went home early because she started breaking out in hives in her mouth and her eyes swelled shut. which left us with two healthy people and five tours on our busiest day. iesh. the plot thickens...someone shat outside the store. liquid shit cascading down the rocks in our garden, right in front of our tour hopper door. with a paper towel used for wiping ass. who's job to clean it up? my job to clean it up! i will spare you the details, but it was an epic fail and i should get paid double for the things i touched.
depsite my exhaustion at this point, i went on an argosy cruise around lake washington with all of the local chocolate companies of seattle. it was as awkward and cheesy as i had imagined, but we got our drinks, sat in the corner with the chips and dip, and had a great and funny time.
now. it is finally my weekend.
monday: yet again, my father has nearly ruined something wonderful for me: science fiction. i grew up with a dad who had an embarrassingly impressive star trek collection, including a bible written in the klingon language and a mannequin to display his uniform. so naturally, i avoided sci-fi like the plague for most of my life and in my recent years of allowing myself to enjoy some aspects of the genre, i've had a huge aversion to star trek. on my 9th birthday my family went on vacation to universal studios, florida. my dad forced us to participate in one of those cheesy "star in a star trek movie!", wherein you are given lines to recite in front of a green screen and they edit you into a pre-existing episode alongside spock, mccoy, etc. of course my sister and i were not thrilled to be wearing star trek costumes and ruining a perfectly good vacation. but when i was home this past month, i smuggled the video back with me and it somehow launched me warp speed into an another quadrant of the galaxy, beaming in some strange alter-ego evil twin to take my place here in seattle. that alter-ego actually sat on her ass watching star trek for 8 hours straight on monday. unbelievable, really.
tuesday: actually got shit done.
wednesday: nothing to report.
thursday: cashed in my babysitting sutra-bucks for me, shana, and maura to eat one of the most delicious meals i've ever encountered. love seabeans. mmm...
friday: after a post-work-mini-kegger that took place in the factory loading dock, i was the perfect amount of tipsy to thoroughly enjoy the laser: queen show with my science center passes. it exceeded all expectations and this will become part of my regular routine. after laser show, i begin my charitable pub crawl to drink for the kids. i drank a lot for the kids.
saturday: another day at work. i was late due to a parade of clowns that only i saw, that caused much bus rerouting. after work, i attempted to go to soul night sporting my midwest thrift store romper, only to find out that soul night had been moved...determined to dance, we moved to the cuff and met lots of friendly gay men who appreciated my romper like it deserves to be appreciated. dancing followed by cream cheese hotdog.
later that night...could it have been the cream cheese hotdog? could it have been the vodka-sevens i strangely ordered? i went to sleep that night feeling not very drunk and fine overall, but i woke up at 3:30 with a terrible stomach ache and knew that something had to come out of my body, one end or the other. i went to the bathroom to make that happen, with no success. i was awake in bed for two and half hours alone and in pain, considering waking someone up just so they could be with me in my suffering. i finally made myself puke around 6 and damn, did it feel good. i was fine after that...except that i had to wake up two hours later to go to work.
sunday: most insane day of work ever. one and a half staff members had no voice (not ideal for tour-giving), i was sickish and tired as hell, and marianne went home early because she started breaking out in hives in her mouth and her eyes swelled shut. which left us with two healthy people and five tours on our busiest day. iesh. the plot thickens...someone shat outside the store. liquid shit cascading down the rocks in our garden, right in front of our tour hopper door. with a paper towel used for wiping ass. who's job to clean it up? my job to clean it up! i will spare you the details, but it was an epic fail and i should get paid double for the things i touched.
depsite my exhaustion at this point, i went on an argosy cruise around lake washington with all of the local chocolate companies of seattle. it was as awkward and cheesy as i had imagined, but we got our drinks, sat in the corner with the chips and dip, and had a great and funny time.
now. it is finally my weekend.
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