pleasure slave

i actually have a callous on my right index finger from breaking up chocolate.

i remembered my dream when i woke up this morning. it was important. i've forgetten it already. according to the dream detective, whatever message my subconcious was trying to deliver, it will continue to manifest itself in different dreams until i've processed it sufficiently. so i'm not too worried.

i had to get off my bike to go around a bus that was blocking the entire lane yesterday. as i walked it onto the sidewalk, i accidentally made eye contact with an attractive greenpeace canvasser. it can only go downhill from there. i was coming from shelter, so i was all fired up about lots of things, ready to engage, but not ready for his aggressiveness. it went something like:

"don't you want to help the environment today?"
*eye roll* "i am, i'm riding my bike"
"that's a good first step. now join greenpeace!"
"um. aren't you a bunch of crazy hippies? no thanks."
"no, we're actually really awesome. so we need you to join so obama will care about all these issues. we're trying to get billions of people so he'll listen!"
"why do i have to join greenpeace to do that? why don't you have people from all sorts of different organizations come together and work on these issues. obama loves that shit."
"yeah he does, but you should join."
"mmm, i don't know enough about greenpeace to commit to that."
"ask me anything."
"you're biased. i would have to do some thorough research on my own time."
"but we need you to sign up today! or the world will die!"
"i don't half-ass things. if i sign up, it would be halfheartedly and i would start resenting you everytime i got shit in the mail. if you want me to care, you have to let me go."
"i'd rather have your half-hearted committment today than you're full-hearted committment later."
"what! don't say that, that's why people do stupid shit, because they don't think things through."
"i promise you. sign today, and your heart will fill up with joy later!"
"no it won't. it will take a lot more than joining greenpeace to fill this heart with joy. look mike, i'll tell you what. i promise to look into greenpeace if you promise to go to the feministing.com and educate yourself on anti-choice legislation that's currently on the table."
"um, okay....butyoushouldstillsignupnow!"
"bye mike. we're done now."

something like that anyway.

and then i went home and suddenly remembered that i'm in love with someone and spent two hours unsuccessfully attempting to stalk them on the internets. it was so sad. then there was music and laughing and reading aloud from trashy romance novels and saying "goodnight" instead of "goodbye" and listening to the voices of people i love being too loud as i was trying to sleep, but i wanted it to be like that.

moment

day 12. it's harder than you think...or maybe you already think it's hard. anyway, it is.

today was long. i brought home sipping chocolate for my housemates in an old margarine container.i wanted to warm it up for them on the stove and bring it out in little steaming mugs and sit around the fireplace. the lid fell off the container and it leaked in my backpack. when i made it to my house, no one was around. some days i come home and wish no one was around and everyone's home, then the days i wish everyone was home, nobody is.

one of my wisdom teeth is starting to poke through. i only have 1/2 a wisdom tooth so far. it stopped growing after a while. and now this one. it's on the top, on the same side as the other. poke poke poke.

i brought a bag of chocolate with me to the soup house where i eat lunch. i gave it to the beautiful girl with the long, long black dreads at the cash register. she looked adorably delighted and gave me my soup for free. i watched out of the corner of my eye while all of employees dug through the bag and giggled. they came to my table and thanked me and i hope it's the beginning of a dependable trade.

i finished my book just now and it made me feel lonely and jealous. valencia by michelle tea. lonely because she's not talking to me anymore. because her voice is in a book and it's over now and i've been listening to her voice for a week. jealous because i'm not michelle tea.

last night my super-talented housemate sara performed her poetry:



all of these things make me wish i could write.

our last sunny day for a while

according to weather.com, at least. two websites i should never trust, but always do: the weather channel and webmd symptom checker. i really need to quit them...

speaking of quitting, this is day 8 of my month-long cleanse (please take this opportunity to congratulate me on an entire week of self-control by leaving a supportive comment below. thanks.): no alcohol, no smoking, no sugar (fruit excepted). i also went to the hippieherbnaturopath store yesterday and a very nice employee helped me choose a cleansing tea that i spent many hours preparing. sara says it has the same herbs in it used in diy abortions, but so far i've found no google evidence to support this. anyway, i just had my first cup. we'll see!

yesterday i was about to tie a ribbon around some woman's 6-piece confection box and she said, "oh, and it's for our son. so can you choose a masculine color." i looked at her with a puzzled expression. "um, sorry, i don't know what you mean." she's like, "you know. just anything but pink." i continued to look confused. "oh? i guess i didn't think that pink wasn't a masculine color. huh." she looked at me like i was an idiot. ha. i wonder what makes a woman who thinks pink is feminine also think that ribbon can be masculine to begin with. i should be wrapping her sons box with...god, i don't know. snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. or something.

from the space. be my friend.

yes. that's all. just...yes. why didn't i know sooner? (thanks, amy).

dear powers that be,

please answer the following questions:

why, as my friend bridget jones says so eloquently, is it the truth universally acknowledged that the moment one area of your life starts going okay, another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces?
why does pasteurized milk heat so slowly?
what if i have poor man's gout in my right knee?
are my library book going to be overdue again?
can men sexually assault women while they're sleep walking???
will you send some more of that insta-good-karma my way?

oh what fools these mortals be,
becca

dear other readers,

on monday, shana and i made cheese. feministing gave a shout-out to the midwest. this week men have been wandering into the chocolate store in record numbers with awkward looks on their faces, grabbing things with pink ribbons on them by the handfuls. fools. well, it's going to be a helluva weekend. wish me luck.

love,
becca

barack obama

and i were both born in the year of the ox.

it is the year of the ox.

that's why we're both having such good years so far.

i love this woman.

that's right. my housemate is a celebrity.

if you're on the slog and they say you're sexy, you've made it.

yay, amy!

i am woman

and i'm happy about that...it just hurts a little sometimes.