the grind.

i'm an impressive lady. at least my babysittee/'lil kindred spirit bean thinks so. she thinks so because i put a cheerio in my palm and said, "hey, watch my anteater impression!" then sucked it up and it disappeared. she thought that was pretty damn funny. one of my many tricks. then we both made up new words to old songs.

my win something/lose something pattern continues. it kind of sucks, but then suddenly it's nice again...and then it sucks, etc. bluegrass band jam at house, lose my house keys...cry at work, get to doula for a magician...replace lost debit card, get rejected, lose recently found bike key yet again, forget to pack lunch, make baby laugh by pretending to be anteater...it's a mixed bag.

the other night, while watching cinderella, we were presented with a dilemma: idil's friend had an injured-but-alive mouse that had been attacked by his cat. mouse was clearly suffering and needed to be put out of its misery. but how?

"put it in a bag and slam it against the wall!"
"drown it."
"no, just break its neck!"
"put it under the wheel of your car and run over it...then you don't have to touch it or watch it die..."
"when my parents were too poor to take their dying hamster to the vet, they gave it an overdose of aspirin...um, i don't know how you would get the mouse to take the aspirin..."

it was horrible. more horrible because the mice in cinderella wear clothes and talk. imagining gus in any of the above scenarios made me feel sick.

sometimes doing the right thing feels like shit.