weddings. are. so. freaking. gendered.
all i really wanted was someone to make eye contact with across the room during the particularly painful moments.
there were glow sticks at the reception. at least there was that. and an open bar. can't forget the open bar that made reuniting with high school friends at least a tad more bearable...
i bonded with the ring bearer. he was about four years old and told me stories about chickens and trees and golf carts.
on the way home we passed a farm with a zebra grazing in the field. honestly.
after a phat nap, my mom made me baked spaghetti with fake ground beef in it. they had friends over. friends with children. lots of conversation about where i go to church and who they should set me up with. *nervous laughter* but the five-year-old boy loved me. he said, and i quote, "can i see your moves again?", "i want to cuddle with you and watch cartoons," "can i spend the night here?", and "can i have more hugs and kisses before i leave?"
well, at least i'm a hit with the young men.
31 May 2009
29 May 2009
time warp.
here i am. i don't have energy to write about how i feel (shame, for a cancer...), so i'm just going to share some nuggets of midwest/fugate household culture.
straight from the airport we drove an hour and a half to a chain restaurant called noodles & co. in some depressing-as-hell suburb of columbus because this kid i graduated with who is both creepy and weird works there and my dad is obsessed with creepy/weird kid and wishes he was his son. he was way more excited to see this guy than he was to see me. so an hour and a half fresh off the plane i'm sitting in an overly air-conditioned fast food noodle restaurant, holding hands with shane and my sister while my dad prays over our penne (may it nourish our bodies and our souls).
the way home was flat flat flat...field after field, amish buggy after amish buggy. it's kind of beautiful, actually. the wide open spaces. you can see it raining miles away, which is amazing if you've never seen that. we didn't talk much. my dad just fussed over his damn gps and muttered at the woman in that little box giving him directions. he was mad because he knewn a better way. gps should know the best way. (why do you need gps if you already know the best way?). every once in a while we'd drive past a farm and someone would say: "oh becca, you remember joe-bob. you know, mary-anne's brother? he graduated a year after you? he moved to that house right there with his new wife. he's working at the bank now, but he's joining the army soon."
and that's pretty much all i've done. aside from eating at this fantastic all-you-can-eat buffet with mediocre/low quality food. mostly meat dishes. but i love me a salad bar.
there are some good things. i've gone to the giant salvation army thrift store. and to the drive in. my mom's been pretty nice. and my little sister is so grown up and funny and smart. as long as i can tune out my dad's assholishness, it's not so bad.
the nativity collection in my house:
jesus is everywhere.
the mannequin, sheila.
and finally, a gem from salvation army.
straight from the airport we drove an hour and a half to a chain restaurant called noodles & co. in some depressing-as-hell suburb of columbus because this kid i graduated with who is both creepy and weird works there and my dad is obsessed with creepy/weird kid and wishes he was his son. he was way more excited to see this guy than he was to see me. so an hour and a half fresh off the plane i'm sitting in an overly air-conditioned fast food noodle restaurant, holding hands with shane and my sister while my dad prays over our penne (may it nourish our bodies and our souls).
the way home was flat flat flat...field after field, amish buggy after amish buggy. it's kind of beautiful, actually. the wide open spaces. you can see it raining miles away, which is amazing if you've never seen that. we didn't talk much. my dad just fussed over his damn gps and muttered at the woman in that little box giving him directions. he was mad because he knewn a better way. gps should know the best way. (why do you need gps if you already know the best way?). every once in a while we'd drive past a farm and someone would say: "oh becca, you remember joe-bob. you know, mary-anne's brother? he graduated a year after you? he moved to that house right there with his new wife. he's working at the bank now, but he's joining the army soon."
and that's pretty much all i've done. aside from eating at this fantastic all-you-can-eat buffet with mediocre/low quality food. mostly meat dishes. but i love me a salad bar.
there are some good things. i've gone to the giant salvation army thrift store. and to the drive in. my mom's been pretty nice. and my little sister is so grown up and funny and smart. as long as i can tune out my dad's assholishness, it's not so bad.
the nativity collection in my house:
jesus is everywhere.
the mannequin, sheila.
and finally, a gem from salvation army.
20 May 2009
i made bill cosby laugh
in my dream last night. he was standing behind me in line at the post office and i said something funny. something very funny.
today is the 1 year anniversary of my blog! happy birthday, blog! which means i should probably be writing something spectacular and profound.
...
um...
...
today is the 1 year anniversary of my blog! happy birthday, blog! which means i should probably be writing something spectacular and profound.
...
um...
...
18 May 2009
the usual struggle between fear and love
last night i was so happy to be a smoker, just so i could give this woman a cigarette in exchange for some wisdom and perspective.
when she asked me to bum one, she said she hadn't smoked in a year. she had her son three months ago and this was her first time going out since. i don't know what it was that struck me. maybe because she was so aware of how insane and miraculous it is to grow, birth, and raise a miniature human being. or because she was such an odd combination of amazed and terrified and exhausted and determined to maintain a sense of self at the same time. maybe it was just the honesty of the situation. or that our lives are so drastically different because of one factor, but there we were standing together at this strange intersection of our lives, made possible by bali shag and the crescent's sunday night karaoke.
i certainly don't want to have a baby. it just felt strangely moving to hear about such genuine, chaotic love. it made me want give her my number and offer to babysit anytime, so she could keep going out and drinking beer and dancing with her friends occasionally, but i didn't want to be a creeper. maybe i should have been.
i don't think i'm doing a very good job saying what i'm trying to say. that's okay.
my cat's new food is giving him diarrhea.
someday i would like to give tours of caves. i think i would be an excellent cave tour guide.
ohio countdown: 8 days.
when she asked me to bum one, she said she hadn't smoked in a year. she had her son three months ago and this was her first time going out since. i don't know what it was that struck me. maybe because she was so aware of how insane and miraculous it is to grow, birth, and raise a miniature human being. or because she was such an odd combination of amazed and terrified and exhausted and determined to maintain a sense of self at the same time. maybe it was just the honesty of the situation. or that our lives are so drastically different because of one factor, but there we were standing together at this strange intersection of our lives, made possible by bali shag and the crescent's sunday night karaoke.
i certainly don't want to have a baby. it just felt strangely moving to hear about such genuine, chaotic love. it made me want give her my number and offer to babysit anytime, so she could keep going out and drinking beer and dancing with her friends occasionally, but i didn't want to be a creeper. maybe i should have been.
i don't think i'm doing a very good job saying what i'm trying to say. that's okay.
my cat's new food is giving him diarrhea.
someday i would like to give tours of caves. i think i would be an excellent cave tour guide.
ohio countdown: 8 days.
15 May 2009
hairnets, hairnets everywhere
"my life is surreal" highlights for week of may 10:
1. 25 adults running loose after hours in a chocolate factory. climbing up ladders, crossing the yellow and black line, catching fresh chocolate flake in their hands. it falls like snow from the refiner in big, fluffy flakes. a chocolate blizzard.
2. drinking free beer on the knuckles of a giant troll with a bunch of bike bros.
3. willingly allowing a madagascar hissing cockroach to crawl all over me because. i think it's neat.
right now my hair is too long, my attention span is too short, my favorite animal is a wandering albatross, and i want a lightning bug tattoo behind my left ear.
1. 25 adults running loose after hours in a chocolate factory. climbing up ladders, crossing the yellow and black line, catching fresh chocolate flake in their hands. it falls like snow from the refiner in big, fluffy flakes. a chocolate blizzard.
2. drinking free beer on the knuckles of a giant troll with a bunch of bike bros.
3. willingly allowing a madagascar hissing cockroach to crawl all over me because. i think it's neat.
right now my hair is too long, my attention span is too short, my favorite animal is a wandering albatross, and i want a lightning bug tattoo behind my left ear.
13 May 2009
11 May 2009
ba-bun-dred
shall i keep adding to the MIR (merc in retro) list? okay.
-mom accidentally scheduled her vacation for the week before i come home instead of the week i actually am home
-my loan company called my whole family trying to track me down because the bill they sent me was returned from the post office with a note that said i was unlisted
-my bus was forty five minutes late the other day
cloud cult made me feel like my soul was bursting. it hurt and it felt good. i didn't cry, but i could have if i were a person who ever cried to begin with.
lately i've been daydreaming about the next big change in my life. it comes in these random pangs. i'll be walking down the street and think about all of my friends and i relocating to the caribbean, like a babysitter's club super special. or yesterday a customer came in and started talking about his non-profit in south africa and how they probably need people to work for them soon. and i just imagined. or when ben and larissa were cutting their hair i thought about how maybe now is the right time to shave my head.
last night i dreamed i got this big tree tattoo. really simple lines all down my arm. in the dream i loved it so, so much. i looked for it online today, but it doesn't exist.
a customer came up to the register and said, "i'll have a dark marshmallow big daddy. because that's what i am." um...i felt embarrassed for him.
i love my friends and birthday dinners and watching sarah haskins until we can't keep our eyes open and the $2.35 we made busking on the ave and the protest song that will inspire generations to come.
-mom accidentally scheduled her vacation for the week before i come home instead of the week i actually am home
-my loan company called my whole family trying to track me down because the bill they sent me was returned from the post office with a note that said i was unlisted
-my bus was forty five minutes late the other day
cloud cult made me feel like my soul was bursting. it hurt and it felt good. i didn't cry, but i could have if i were a person who ever cried to begin with.
lately i've been daydreaming about the next big change in my life. it comes in these random pangs. i'll be walking down the street and think about all of my friends and i relocating to the caribbean, like a babysitter's club super special. or yesterday a customer came in and started talking about his non-profit in south africa and how they probably need people to work for them soon. and i just imagined. or when ben and larissa were cutting their hair i thought about how maybe now is the right time to shave my head.
last night i dreamed i got this big tree tattoo. really simple lines all down my arm. in the dream i loved it so, so much. i looked for it online today, but it doesn't exist.
a customer came up to the register and said, "i'll have a dark marshmallow big daddy. because that's what i am." um...i felt embarrassed for him.
i love my friends and birthday dinners and watching sarah haskins until we can't keep our eyes open and the $2.35 we made busking on the ave and the protest song that will inspire generations to come.
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