antsy

lots of minimal, low-quality writing lately, i know. it's not that nothing's going on. there's so much going on.

despite the fact that my period came almost a full week after the new moon (i even drank a shit ton of parsley tea because it's supposed to induce...no luck), the experience was mostly redeemed by my first use of my diva cup. i've known about them forever, but this is the first period i've used it and it might have changed my menstruating life. no leaking, fewer dollars overall, can't feel it, good for the earth, and it's actually pretty fascinating to dump that 'lil cup in the toilet. someday perhaps i'll make sweet art with mine. anyway, if you're a woman who bleeds and you're not a believer already, strongly recommend it (i've heard it's best to go with diva over keeper because you might develop a latex allergy with the latter...).

wow. is that really the first thing i have to say about my life? guess it is.

i just spent hellamoney on thousands of books about midwifery, childbirth, and breastfeeding. when i got home after being away for the weekend, there were five on my porch and i ripped them open like it was christmas. i can't wait to lock myself in my room and read them for hours. i'm particularly excited about the ones by ina may gaskin because i have a hunch i'm going to fall in love with her.


i have my first "interview" with a couple due in late october! the mother-to-be works with shana and they can't afford a doula and i'm free right now, so we'll see...i'm meeting them for coffee next week and i'm ridiculously nervous/excited. even if it doesn't turn out to be a good match, at least it'll break the ice and get things moving for me. i'm also interviewing to volunteer for UW's on-call doula program, which will be a perfect introduction for me.

i need a haircut.

i'm meeting jane goodall on saturday.

maybe i'm speaking too soon, but...i think we're going to keep The Kitten. i have a feeling. we had him scanned for a microchip and registered him on the seattle shelter's found animals list. no word so far. they said he looks about three months old. now must convince housemates this is a good idea.

i rearranged my shoebox of a room. i'm always pleased with how creative i can be with a tiny space.

back to reading, daydreaming...

comment box

i gave a tour to 15-year-olds. great.

comments in the box from the girls:

"our tour guide becca was awesome. she should get a raise. she's so nice."

comments from the boys:

"your employees need to shave their legs" and "it's nice to see that your tour guides keep all their leg hair intact" and "bang! give me all your money!"

not that i'm surprised. not that i care what those little assholes think. i mean, except for the ones that think i should get a raise...

this is a time in my life in which reassurance keeps coming from unexpected places and people who aren't part of my everyday routine. it's refreshing. it also makes me think i should change my everyday routine.

perhaps finding the kitten stranded in the brambles along I-5 is the beginning of this.



will not get emotionally attached...will not get emotionally attached...will not...

mamaz

can't stop thinking about them.

i'm really ready to drop everything and hold women's hands while they scream.

the current state of birth in the u.s.:



and this is so beautiful...of course it's normal for women to scream or swear or yodel or cope however they need and that is powerful, too. some cultures/religions require the mother to remain quiet and still during labor, which is shitty. but i don't sense that's what's happening here:

throw it in a bag of rice

i was about to write this in rhyme, but it got too hard. so. the boring facts, straight up.

after a ridiculously long week, my weekend has become the weekend i always fantasize about, wherein i sit around on my ass, splurge on massages, walk around naked at a spa i have all to myself, sleep in, yoga occasionally, write letters to my friends, and take phat naps.

it feels so wonderful to have two days that are mine, mine, mine.

especially after a week like that. oof. i fucked up a lot, i think. i counted the cash wrong and paid a bill late and hurt someone's feelings (well, only one that i know about) and the neighbors left us a mean, passive aggressive note. and probably i fucked up in other ways i don't even know about yet.

additionally, i miss a lot of people. that's normal i guess, but i've been getting these strong, physical pangs that start in my chest and stab into my gut.

and i dropped my phone in the rain. overnight in a bag of rice seemed to make it okay though. i wish everything could be fixed so easily.