and they're all make out of pickles.

day 15 of me being particularly wholesome and vice-free. although i did eat a piece of bread last week and that made everything harder. bread= gateway vice.

also, my house is full of 400 POUNDS of chocolate right now, so i can't even get away from sugar when i'm not at work.



we saved 575lbs of cherry almond and mint dark (vegan) chocolate from its dumpster fate, and now i'm twisting everyone's arm to take some. if you are reading this and you live in seattle and you do NOT have at least one of these boxes in your posession, you must take one. if you are a true friend. please.

i wish there were more exciting things to write, but now that i'm so virtuous, all i really do is go to yoga and fall asleep at 10pm. well, also i go to roller derby and poetry slams and parade around the city singing "bad romance" with an accordion...


(he is playing while driving, yes)

...and eat burritos in the park on a sunny day and have my own private spa at hothouse and drink mud shakes and watch documentaries on a giant projector screen. and go to the tuliptown. it was like being inSIDE a bob ross painting:


(above is actually the tulip festival, not a bob ross painting...seriously.)








here is a broken tulip...in the 1600s in holland, a single bulb of a specific kind of broken tulip was more expensive than a fancy schmance house on the canal...then they found out the bulb looked that way 'cause it had a virus and the economy crashed and everyone got mad and started destroying all the tulips. oops:



life lesson learned the hard way by the rich dutch tulip fanatics of the 1600s: things aren't always what they seem. think about it. and if you're going to spend a shit-ton of money, buy a house, not an infected bulb. iesh. you can't live in a bulb.

well anyway, mercury is in retrograde. we'll see how my disaster preparedness works for me or if the universe is just going to make life more difficult to show me i can't outsmart it.

...i'm writing this whole entry to distract myself...my doula client just lost her mucus plug, which sounds disgusting, but is very exciting to me. it means i get to welcome new life into the world any day now...any minute now...*bites fingernails anxiously*...