ass manger*

oh hey, it's my monthly dropping a line to my probably dwindling readerhood (two-day later edit! welcome new readers i just discovered!). today i'm reporting from my cleaner-than-it's-ever-been room, with tk curled up at my feet, candlelight only, and devotchka pandora....if you think that sounds magical, you're right. this is actually what's happening, live (actually, it's not live anymore. this edited post is 2 days old, but you can imagine when it was live):


but alas, my hungry-and-maybe-pretend followers, this is the eve of a new era! an era of good mental health, daily balance, the birth of a birth business, and a reclamation of my social life.

....and the transition's a bitch. right now i sort of have three jobs: i'm helping to hire and train my replacement at theo (during the thick of valentine's season, so you can imagine how that was), i start training to be a barback/doorperson in the gayborhood, and i'm on call for a birth at this very minute.

but then my life will be bliss! i will have my day times back ! i will spend time in nature! i will make cheese! i will either befriend a goat or someone who owns a goat! i will find a couch for our living room and patronize the businesses in by neighborhood! i'm so effing excited to be a normal human being and to see what happens in the world when one's not at work!

besides taking an entire month to quit my job, i've been piece-by-piece collecting the tools, skillz, and inspiration i'll need to launch myself into above-described life.

i started by finally taking the gay kickboxing class at the ymca and the lizzes are always raving about, and for good reason! my high school tae bo experience really prepared me for what would have completely kicked my ass...it's not actually gay kickboxing; and the main demographic of the class is straight women (with a couple of their straight boyfriends who they dragged along). but donny, the instructor, is gay and i am gay, and that made it...something. anyway, it was absolutely amazing and if you're not kickboxing to dance music re-mixes with donny, you're not really kickboxing. that's what i think.

if my life this month were a movie montage, it would start in the kickboxing class to dance music from the best of bootie, which you should all go listen to immediately, or maybe eye of the tiger, like in persepolis, and during my sweaty cross-punching, you'd see:

• my frantic, studious note-taking during a cheese-making class, with a serious look on my face as i plot how to obtain a goat...
• many pathetic scenes of me attempting to shop for new interview/work clothes, including going somewhere i haven't been in approximately 10 years: the mall. the suburban mall. luckily, i had the guidance of my fashion guru/someone who actually knows how to shop. her name is renai, and i credit her with my purchase of $20 dansco clogs from buffalo exchange today, which i wouldn't have thought of buying without her mentorship.
• a lot of empty wine bottles
• several interviews...me trying to hire someone, me trying to be hired, me super nervous
• asha coming out of hiding again and eating for the first time in months...me watching her shovel little bits of lettuce and pear into her teeny tiny mouth
  

um, then it'd pan back to gay kickboxing, and donny giving me a high-five and me with my hands on my hips, doing a little step touch while my heart rate goes back to normal, looking at my red-faced, smirking self in the wall-to-wall mirrors and being a bit pleased with the girl looking back at me for pulling this all together semi-successfully...yeah...

*dreamy face*



meanwhile, we might be having snowpocalypse part 2 tonight, while i'm supposed to be at work and maybe at the birth.

i'm kind of looking at going to ohio for a few days in early april. i want to see my mamaw while she's in relatively decent health, and i'd like to see my little sister's high school musical. actual text from claudia re: musical:

"i got the baker's wife in into the woods. if ur not familiar with the musical it's like, the lead. lol"

so, how can i pass that up?

well, if i can't afford it i'll have to pass it up.

i was talking to malinda on the phone today and venting about how it would be nice, for once (just once!), if mom and dad offered to chip in on the plane ticket. they're always lamenting about how far away we are and how much they'd love to see us...which was a slippery slope for venting about our parents in general.

me: "do you think dad thinks he's a good dad?
mal: "ha! yes! do you remember when i told him he was a bad father and that he should go to a parenting class?"
me: "not really? maybe, vaguely...?"
mal: "well i did, and he actually went to a parenting seminar, and do you know what it was called?"
me: "...?"
mal: "'you're a better parent than you think.' so, yes, i think he thinks he's a good dad. he found a professional to verify that."

and there you have it.

*the actual subject line of an emailed resume and cover letter that came in for to replace me. not the person we're hiring, obvs.