the art of the tease

does anyone wanna know how my new year's resolutions are going?! ...anyone?

good. great! because we're almost 1/12 done with the entire year, and this is the most motivated i will be for the entire year, so the first month is important.

which is why i decided to do #12 immediately. #12: take a burlesque class. not the one featured in a wink & a smile, which you should all watch, which i would like to take eventually, but just a tiny beginner baby burlesque workshop called: the art of the tease.

i went into the class thinking that i would be pretty good at it. the class was all ladies of different shapes, sizes, ages...everyone was nice and normal. and i am pretty okay at pretending to be sexy, which is what burlesque is all about. i have invested in nice lingerie, learned how to shake my ass fast, and when i wear my tutu, i can somehow give a smokin' lap dance (um, at least it's always smokin' in my *possiblydrunken* mind). but, as i should have considered, i'm a cancer leo rising. that means i love performing...in the comfort of my own home. at least my figurative home, somewhere i feel comfortable. or maybe i just like to perform when i'm drunk. hmm. many factors to consider...

it turns out that in class i got real shy and self-conscious, which translated into me doing everything we were supposed to do at DOUBLE speed. really fast = not sexy. and i giggled a lot. i giggled while trying to remove a sexy glove with my teeth. i giggled trying to make sexy faces at some lady across the room. i couldn't go slow and i couldn't stop laughing.

this means: 1. i'm definitely not ready to take the tassle-twirling class and 2. my next project will be to make a soundtrack to which i will practice my new skillz...in my room.

progress though, right?

well...that is the only fun i've had all month. i have been working many dayz and long hours, but i'm focusing hard on setting personal boundaries (really, i am). i can tell because i've been abnormally blunt lately, extending my personal boundaries in order to correct people i find generally offensive to humankind. like, "hey, asshole, don't turn right on red without looking for pedestrians!" things like that. and other things. that need to be said. i've given lots of people firm...guidance and suggestions that past two weeks...yet i'm still failing at the personal boundaries thing.

my first office job --> sitting still for many hours --> feeling super antsy and stiff and isolated --> a sudden surge of physical exercise --> too tired to do anything else --> early to bed --> get up, do it again --> even on the weekends. i thought physical activity was supposed to release lots of endorphins and make me feel happier! turns out i just feel bland and apathetic. my new life is turning me into a tired, unexcitable being.

...that's not entirely true. i still get excited about my cats.

and i'm excited about successfully completing my resolutions.

(especially my secret ones. yes, i have secret ones and i'm not telling you, so don't even ask.)

addendum

16. don't let work consume my life
17. don't develop a caffeine addiction

boys boys boys

i have a giant, new-found crush on lady gaga. i can't stop watching the "bad romance" video. i can't. and i don't want to stop.

that said, here are my 2010 new years resolutions!!!

1. go to the rainforest
2. find a band who needs a saw player (obviously join said band)
3. get my DONA (doula) certification
4. spend a weekend in portland
5. go to canada
6. learn basic construction skillz
7. write one letter every week
8. take a real vacation
9. ride bike to capitol hill
10. move out of wallingford/north seattle
11. read more...
12. take a burlesque class
13. take a spanish class
14. memorize every country on world map
15. stop buying cigarettes

totally reasonable list, no? i especially like it because i've already finished #1 & #8, and i'm on my way to #11 (which is subjective, even though i said i wouldn't do that anymore...) & #12.

the year started off a bit shaky. i'll spare you the details, but it involved a lot of crying, fake eyelashes, and spending midnight in line alone at the bar, balloons falling from the ceiling, with a stranger named george who had pity on me and bought me a shot of whiskey while everyone around us hugged, kissed, and sang auld lang syne.

since then, things have drastically improved and i have a good feeling about the year. i finally went on an actual vacation. watched salmon spawn in the hoh rainforest, sat in the hollow trunk of a giant tree, saw real vampires in forks (whose tourism has increased 600% since the twilight books were published!!), skinnydipped in the pacific at midnight, climbed a giant sand dune, drank scotch with ben's parents, maybe got stung by a dead jellyfish, went to the tillamook cheese factory, and read 3.5 books.

i was away long enough to realize that i'm not used to spending time with just boys, i am a shameless cat lady, and it's hard to go an entire week without bad romance.