12 January 2009
01 January 2009
2009
1. always carry around a small notebook
2. investigate paranormal activity in seattle
3. design tattoo
4. learn wilderness survival skillz
5. learn about the circle of fifths
6. take a yoga class
7. learn about herbs, especially re: dissolving kidney stones and strong immune system
8. abilene paradox: learn songs? write songs? play outside the house more often
9. develop 5-year debt payment plan
10. learn more about fixing bikes
11. go whale watching
12. go to rainforest
13. apply for an apprenticeship
14. get hula hoop from ground to knees
15. spend some time in portland
16. improve foreign language skillz
17. smoke fewer or equal to five cigarettes/week
18. make LED hula hoop
19. be a better family member
20. spend more time with asha
21. sew a bag for my saw
22. save money for a home planetarium projector
23. turn 24. try to embrace such an ugly, even, divisible number.
24. start and maintain a house blog
25. learn to operate sewing machine
26. be more aware. in general.
the house is finally not empty, and finally clean, and there is finally edible food in the fridge, and we finally have toilet paper. i've snapped out of this lonely-lazy- trance and surprisingly (but just barely, i think) survived the last, most difficult month of 2008. it was a doozy. lots of firsts, for better or for worse. last night i said goodbye with dancing, champagne, and kisses for everyone who would let me kiss them. exactly how i wanted to say goodbye.
i'm re-reading the awakening. partly for book club, partly because i think it's a good thing to do every so often.
"but the beginning of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. how few of us ever emerge from such beginning! how many souls perish in its tumult!"
twentyshood= every f-ing day is the beginning of a world.
2. investigate paranormal activity in seattle
3. design tattoo
4. learn wilderness survival skillz
5. learn about the circle of fifths
6. take a yoga class
7. learn about herbs, especially re: dissolving kidney stones and strong immune system
8. abilene paradox: learn songs? write songs? play outside the house more often
9. develop 5-year debt payment plan
10. learn more about fixing bikes
11. go whale watching
12. go to rainforest
13. apply for an apprenticeship
14. get hula hoop from ground to knees
15. spend some time in portland
16. improve foreign language skillz
17. smoke fewer or equal to five cigarettes/week
18. make LED hula hoop
19. be a better family member
20. spend more time with asha
21. sew a bag for my saw
22. save money for a home planetarium projector
23. turn 24. try to embrace such an ugly, even, divisible number.
24. start and maintain a house blog
25. learn to operate sewing machine
26. be more aware. in general.
the house is finally not empty, and finally clean, and there is finally edible food in the fridge, and we finally have toilet paper. i've snapped out of this lonely-lazy- trance and surprisingly (but just barely, i think) survived the last, most difficult month of 2008. it was a doozy. lots of firsts, for better or for worse. last night i said goodbye with dancing, champagne, and kisses for everyone who would let me kiss them. exactly how i wanted to say goodbye.
i'm re-reading the awakening. partly for book club, partly because i think it's a good thing to do every so often.
"but the beginning of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. how few of us ever emerge from such beginning! how many souls perish in its tumult!"
twentyshood= every f-ing day is the beginning of a world.
26 December 2008
second day of
an irritating part about christmas is the day after christmas when all anyone can say is, "how was your christmas?"
it was long as hell and full of mimosas, myself myself myself, my voice being passed around a few living rooms somewhere in ohio, approximately three sad teardrops, approximately three hundred candy cane joe-joes, one frozen pizza, mariah carey, digging a car out with a spatula, the blue moon, disclosing personal information to strangers, and a mason jar of hot red rose tea at 4am.
and i don't think i want to talk about it anymore than that. but you're getting more information than most people. usually, i've just been saying, "nice" and "i'm glad it's over" and "isn't it unusual that 'have yourself a merry little christmas' has such happy lyrics, but is such a sad song?"
it was long as hell and full of mimosas, myself myself myself, my voice being passed around a few living rooms somewhere in ohio, approximately three sad teardrops, approximately three hundred candy cane joe-joes, one frozen pizza, mariah carey, digging a car out with a spatula, the blue moon, disclosing personal information to strangers, and a mason jar of hot red rose tea at 4am.
and i don't think i want to talk about it anymore than that. but you're getting more information than most people. usually, i've just been saying, "nice" and "i'm glad it's over" and "isn't it unusual that 'have yourself a merry little christmas' has such happy lyrics, but is such a sad song?"
22 December 2008
sabbatical
sorry i haven't been writing lately.
i've been hanging out in tatem's cabinet under the kitchen counter, eating teddy grahams, talking about super powers and snowmo sapiens, laughing about how i never have weather-appropriate shoes, turning everyone into a monkey, making prank phone calls, and picking our noses.
...so that's where i've been, in case you were wondering. i really needed the break. she wanted me to stay in the cabinet, but i said, "sorry, i'm going to eat my soup with the grown-ups."
and now i'm back.
i've been hanging out in tatem's cabinet under the kitchen counter, eating teddy grahams, talking about super powers and snowmo sapiens, laughing about how i never have weather-appropriate shoes, turning everyone into a monkey, making prank phone calls, and picking our noses.
...so that's where i've been, in case you were wondering. i really needed the break. she wanted me to stay in the cabinet, but i said, "sorry, i'm going to eat my soup with the grown-ups."
and now i'm back.
11 December 2008
'lil vent
dear full-of-yourself,
today i am mad because i waited too long to reject you and you beat me to the punch.
it felt humiliating to be gently let down, to listen to you break the news that you're "not that interested." it made my blood boil to know that you thought i would be disappointed or heartbroken.
i stared at you blankly as you delivered your bullshit speech. i'm guessing you thought i was trying to hold back tears. i wasn't. i was just thinking about how many self-centered assholes have given the exact same spiel and wondering, "is this shit written in a script somewhere and distributed to fuckwits the world over? where can i find a copy of this?"
you, sir, are ridiculous. you are ridiculous for assuming that everyone longs to have a romantic relationship with you when really i think you long to have a romantic relationship with you. you are ridiculous for thinking that you are the only one who thinks about the following: communism, hating your job, existential crises, and general discontent with early twentyshood. you aren't the only one who thinks about those things. carrying around books about revolution with bright red covers doesn't make you more brilliant than everybody else. you are ridiculous for thinking that logic is superior to human emotion.
...and i think you should seriously reconsider the length of your sideburns.
when we were talking about revolution, you said, "i think my skill is being an excellent public speaker. i can really mobilize the people. when i give a speech, it's impossible to disagree with me." not it's not! it's not! i disagree with you! loving the sound of your own voice doesn't make you an excellent public speaker!
you are just like everybody else. please hurry up and get over yourself already.
love,
not that into you
today i am mad because i waited too long to reject you and you beat me to the punch.
it felt humiliating to be gently let down, to listen to you break the news that you're "not that interested." it made my blood boil to know that you thought i would be disappointed or heartbroken.
i stared at you blankly as you delivered your bullshit speech. i'm guessing you thought i was trying to hold back tears. i wasn't. i was just thinking about how many self-centered assholes have given the exact same spiel and wondering, "is this shit written in a script somewhere and distributed to fuckwits the world over? where can i find a copy of this?"
you, sir, are ridiculous. you are ridiculous for assuming that everyone longs to have a romantic relationship with you when really i think you long to have a romantic relationship with you. you are ridiculous for thinking that you are the only one who thinks about the following: communism, hating your job, existential crises, and general discontent with early twentyshood. you aren't the only one who thinks about those things. carrying around books about revolution with bright red covers doesn't make you more brilliant than everybody else. you are ridiculous for thinking that logic is superior to human emotion.
...and i think you should seriously reconsider the length of your sideburns.
when we were talking about revolution, you said, "i think my skill is being an excellent public speaker. i can really mobilize the people. when i give a speech, it's impossible to disagree with me." not it's not! it's not! i disagree with you! loving the sound of your own voice doesn't make you an excellent public speaker!
you are just like everybody else. please hurry up and get over yourself already.
love,
not that into you
03 December 2008
my point exactly.
phone conversation for which i chose to stay awake last night:
other: my life, my life! me me me and everything i know! *half an hour later* so what have you been up to?
me: do you ever feel like you are completely lost in the world? like you know who you are inside, but for some reason you can't project that...so you know that the people with whom you interact everyday don't really know you, they just know this false you and, no matter how hard you try, you can't bridge that disconnect between true you and false you...and it's so frustrating that it's all trapped in there...all the things you're passionate about and you love, your talents and potential...nobody even knows about them. like they are trapped and dying and there's nothing to look forward to and nobody really sees you or hears you. it's so isolating and lonely...you know?
other: uh, becca. i'm really struggling to stay awake. i actually have no idea what you've been saying for the last minute and a half. sorry.
me: oh. okay. um, good night.
other: night.
other: my life, my life! me me me and everything i know! *half an hour later* so what have you been up to?
me: do you ever feel like you are completely lost in the world? like you know who you are inside, but for some reason you can't project that...so you know that the people with whom you interact everyday don't really know you, they just know this false you and, no matter how hard you try, you can't bridge that disconnect between true you and false you...and it's so frustrating that it's all trapped in there...all the things you're passionate about and you love, your talents and potential...nobody even knows about them. like they are trapped and dying and there's nothing to look forward to and nobody really sees you or hears you. it's so isolating and lonely...you know?
other: uh, becca. i'm really struggling to stay awake. i actually have no idea what you've been saying for the last minute and a half. sorry.
me: oh. okay. um, good night.
other: night.
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