i'll thank the world!

*closes eyes, opens arms, and deeply inhales sweet city air*

ahh, to be a functional member of the real world! i write this soberly, with a newfound joy that springs from participating in everyday society, walking down street, saying hello to neighbors, etc., in manner of ebenezer scrooge post-ghost visits.

despite the fact that my left kidney hurts in a bad, bad way if i don't empty my bladder the second it is full, and having abruptly abandon my slothful lifestyle of 12-hour nights of sleep and napping twice daily in order to be responsible, working adult, i am all smiles and ready to flush my vic down the toilet...or sell it to kids on the ave...

if you know the theme song in "the last unicorn," imagine america singing the chorus in the background while you read the rest of this.

AND i rode my newly restored bike to work!

AND a magician came into the store and showed me a magic trick today, which involved him turning five one dollar bills into five one hundred dollar bills. i asked if he would do this trick to my paycheck, but he pretended not to hear me. damnit...

AND i have officially been vegan for nearly 24 hours. well, except for that small dollop of sour cream on my burrito today...it was so small...and having a burrito with no sour cream seems sinful...well, a person can't turn into a saint over night (god knows i've tried). to even out the dairy product incident, i have not indulged in any other vices today.

i've had to go to the bank two days in a row. both days involved severe "my tellers are my family" incidents. i sat down to change my address and kailee showed me a loophole to maintain free bill pay with my online banking AND a way i can be accruing reward points on my credit card...and corey always remembers my name and makes endearingly awkward small talk...and cody waves at me everytime, even when he's not my teller, because he was my FIRST teller when i moved to seattle last year...oh lord...

I will start anew/I will make amends/and I will make quite certain/that the story ends/on a note of hope/on a strong amen/and I'll thank the world/and remember when/I was able to begin again! --scrooge

narcs

oh, bother. i realize that i have been a complete negative nancy in most of my recent entries. this has caused unnecessary worrying from my readers about my health and well-being. re-reading my posts has made me think, "whose poor, sad life is this?" i assure you, though i'm still completely fucked up on oxycodone and vicodin, i have been taken care of and abundantly loved by the amazing people in my life these past few weeks. worry not!

some highlights:

-all of my housemates and i cuddling in gavin's bed last night, listening to story time on npr.
-renai visiting with delicious vegan treats and the best movies i have ever seen.
-sarah jayne and stacy making cheesy potato casserole and bringing midwest love and company.
-gavin watching hours and hours of movies with me, even though i slept through them all.
-sara buying me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
-a sleepover with my housemates and my favorite cat every night in zelda's room.

tomorrow my vacation/recovery ends. back to the chocolate factory. mmmmmggghhhhh...

things that are bizarre when you are on pain meds:
-picking out paint colors for your new house at the hardware store
-sitting in a coffee shop, trying to look and act normal even though the walls seem to be closing in rapidly and the art looks alive...

today liz t. and i decided to be ms. frizzle for halloween. we are both going to be ms. frizzle, from different episodes. this replaces our original idea of going as thelma and louise.

zelda and i finally fixed my road bike last week. it is just sitting in the honeybucket, begging to be ridden. i feel super proud and motivated to learn more more more!

hmm...hopefully my next post will be written drug-free.

high as i write this

day 7 post-surgery misery.
the anesthesiologists scolded me for reading articles about surgery-gone-wrong and assured me they were the best team in the world. hmm. i'm still skeptical about that. as she said that, she was in the middle of failing (for the second time) to get the IV into my hand. but by the time they wheeled me into the surgery room, i didn't even have time to start counting backwards and i was out. tricky...
my life since then has been a lonely, drugged, half-asleep blur of days. unable to articulate anything clearly, i've lived mostly inside my head. i go back and forth between telling people not to make such a fuss over me (i insisted on contributing more than i should have to the cleaning/packing/moving process last weekend) and crying like a baby because i feel like my friends have forgotten and abandoned me in my time of need. the pain meds make me narcoleptic, itchy, constipated, and hiccupy. yes, hiccupy.
we've officially moved out of quaker house and into hotel honeybucket for the week. everyone gets up in the morning to go places and do things. i stay right here. on the couch. popping pills. my only joy in life right now is cuddling with bonnot, the cuddliest cat on the entire planet, who always makes me feel loved. and when people come to visit me.
time for nap.

end of the world as we know it

my last day of:

-working at shelter (as an unpaid employee, at least)
-being helpful in the move-out process at home
-having kidney stones stuck in my ureter
-having a broken road bike
-eating cheese. and ice cream. and spinach. and everything else i love. foreva.

hopefully it will not me my last day of life on this earth. even though i've been strongly (and wisely) advised by multiple people to stop scaring myself, i can't help dwelling on the possibilities of an air bubble in my IV, a deadly allergic reaction to shock waves, and horror stories of the 20,000-40,000/year reported cases of anesthesia awareness. seriously!

but you'll be relieved to know that since 1997 my hospital has been using neurophysiological monitoring device called a bispectral index to track level of consciouness. i'm definitly asking my anesthesiologist if she/he knows how to properly operate this equipment.

i am secretly excited about a three-day nap-and-movie-watching vacation, though. my housemate-with-whom-i-share-a-wall and i recently stumbled upon the christploitation and post-apocalyptic section at the video store. the bruce campbell movie we watched this weekend: excellent. virtual reality, mutant cannibals...oh man. and scarecrow video has. an entire. wall. of these movies.

another tale of false sense of bank teller being my best friend:

liz and i went into wells fargo this weekend. the girls were clearly bored out of their minds and started asking us a million questions about our lives. it came up that we're moving this weekend, but can't move into new house unter the 1st. teller actually OFFERED her own home to us. fo reals. she was very, very concerned. i guess we look like nice people. really nice, trustworthy people. ha.

equilibrium

new strategy for next 15 days:

turn off part of brain/heart that feels so can emotionlessly get shit done.

otherwise will not survive.

good plan.

sippin' on coke and juice

i did it.
i worried myself sick.
now i can't breathe and my head feels like it's going to explode.
my hippie co-worker just asked, "in what ways is your stress serving you?"
"um, it's not. it sucks. i hate it."
"then mind over matter. mind over matter."
thanks. that's very helpful.
she also said, "if you live by the freeway, don't pretend it's the ocean or everytime you go to the ocean, you'll only hear freeway." ...hmm. now there's some advice i can work with.

other advice i can work with: my little sister did some informal research for me. turns out that 100% of her sample population of senior citizens in rural ohio swear that drinking a mixture of welch's grape juice and coca-cola will dissolve "the barbs off of kidney stones." then they slide right on through and there ya go. no need for surgery! i'm willing to try anything at this point. it's not as bad as you think, actually. in fact it's growing on me a bit....well, here's to hoping...

things i'm hoping to find on craigslist:
-a hot air balloon. i would really like to sail around the world in a hot air balloon right now.
-a rich, old, lonely person who has so much money they don't know what to do with it. perhaps she wants to pay off my student loan debt in exchange for me sharing a few meals, playing scrabble, and just hanging out. this person must exist.